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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011-01-12

Brother gay?

How will I know for sure that my 22-year old brother is or isn''t gay? I saw some gay porn on his laptop (I wasn''t snooping). He sometimes dates girls but I think this is maybe more as a smoke-screen than anything else, these dates don''t seem to lead anywhere. He spends tons of time with his friends, whom none of us have ever met and they never come to our house, and he''s generally quite secretive about his social life. One of my mates says he saw my brother at a gay club, which doesn''t mean much because my friend is straight and was there with his girlfriend but he says my brother was alone. No big deal and maybe its none of my business but I am curious and I hope that he doesn''t feel bad about being gay, if that is what he is. Cheers everyone.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Anon and thanks for posting. All you can do is make sure that you never make any homoprejudiced comments, and try to create an environment that would make it safer for your brother to disclose his sexual orientation if he is indeed gay.

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Our users say:
Posted by: gay, lesbian and bisexual expert | 2011-01-20

Hi Anon and thanks for posting. All you can do is make sure that you never make any homoprejudiced comments, and try to create an environment that would make it safer for your brother to disclose his sexual orientation if he is indeed gay.

Reply to gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Posted by: Craig | 2011-01-17

Nice to hear that you are cool with your brother being gay.
It can be very difficult for many gay ppl to come out so it is good to hear that you are supportive.
However, everyone has there own timing so it is probably better for you to hold off from asking him.
Having said that.... perhaps you guys should go for some drinks and get to chatting about things... he may just open up

Reply to Craig
Posted by: Deeve | 2011-01-14

I know that everyone has different opinions, but I don''t agree with some of the hectic replies above. My brother never treated me well, and always called me a -|- ''n " moffie"  ! I became real scared and lived a huge chunk of my life exactly as your brother is doing. Read some of my many postings, and you will see that I was married for years. If I had only been able to feel accepted and free to be who I really am, things could have been very different. Your brother is very lucky to have a brother like you. Just show him that you care and make him always feel accepted under any circumstances. If the opportunity ever arises, mention that it''s cool for people of all walks of life to be completely themselves, and be happy.
Cheers

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Intruder | 2011-01-13

It is all very well you concerned but like any individual he needs his privacy maybe he is not sure and are just exploring, hench he still dates women, I am also so against this coming out of the closet thing...if you gay you gay...if you straight you straight..if he gets married hey there is something to anounce without you holding you breath or snooping around to see with who he is getting, today I want to do one thing I will tell everyone whom I greet today..." Hey goodmorning/day..." I am straight"  Lol LOL What a joke you betta grow up or get out more dear cause today you can be straight tomorrow you will be gay the next you be Bisexual... Good Luck with your ghost hunting LOL LOL LOL what a joke

Reply to Intruder
Posted by: Neil | 2011-01-12

You should mind your own business!

Reply to Neil
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2011-01-12

Well he has to decide for himself when, who and how he tells and IF. If he never tells, it is his business too. Many gay and other people make a lot of the so-called coming out, and there is no need. Ask yourself this? Do straight people announce they are straight? Will he be in anyway different if he is gay?
I think just let him be (I know you care and are curious), but is really his business.
On the issue of how do you know? Forget it. If you see me and many other gay men, you will never guess it in your wildest dreams, and I am quite open about it, just not making any issues about it. Some guys of course flaunt their sexual behaviour something unreal, but that is their business too.
Good that you hope for his happiness, just make sure you support him in whatever choices he makes (gay is not a choice), and if he decides to come-out.
All the best

Reply to LONEWOLF
Posted by: Calvin | 2011-01-12

If I met you in real life, and we were friends, I would have said " introduce me to your brother"  as my gaydar is really good, or even easier " send me his name and surname so that I can see who his Facebook friends are" . But that would just be weird.

All the signals are there (I think), and I think he''s just really afraid, and would actually be glad if you asked him straight (no pun intended). I was afraid to tell my parents, and sometimes wish they just sat me down and asked me, and at the same time, told me they would still love me. It worked out 100% for me in the end, but still, it differs, but person to person.

Good luck

Reply to Calvin

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