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Question
Posted by: Alfred | 2012/07/11

Broken Marriage

I have been going out with someone for the past 9 years we recently go married. And now 6 months into the marriage i dont feel i want this. My wife and i have had alot of prbvlems in the years that we have been going out. She has a big problem with her insecurities and she has a big anger issue, the two really dont go togther cos everything she feels insecure the anger and nasty behaviour comes out. We went for counseling while we where going out and i realised that my wife had alot of issues with herself and her family, that was one of the reason why we went out for so long and didnt get married sooner sometime last year we managed to sort out alot of our problems and it was starting to work out with the help of the counseling so we decided to get married this year. Its been about 6 months since we have been married and all is gone wrong. We seem to fight every other day where my wife becomes very abusive and starts screaming and shouting and even at times hits me. I know that my wife has issues with regards to insecurity and anger. But know it seems as if it has gone to far. We only seem to fight all the time. I dont know what to do anymore im afraid of what people might think if i leave her but i cant do this anymore.The thought of me leaving her is what gets me through at times. Please help i need some advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Usually, the aim of such a long engagement is to have the opportunity to get to know each other well enough not to have any unpleasant surprises after marriage.
If your wife has "issues" which make her and others ( like you ) miserable, then she has a responsibility to see a proper shrink to work on solving these issues. She needs to be told, calmly and firmly that her behaviours such as the abusive screaming is not tolerable and won't be tolerated. She must either see a shrink and work hard and sincerrely to solve these problems, or end the marriage, as she has no right to marinate herself in whatever her "issues" are, and then inflict her fury on anyone else. She may, from the sound of it, need more psychotherapy than counselling, and from a really experienced psychologist rather than only a counsellor - and may need to be very sincerely engaged in making the necessary changes.
It seems unlikely that she is only this un pleasant when with you in private, and she has probably revealed this aspect of herself to others, qwho wont be surprised if you choose to leave her, and will probably understand. If anyone chooses to gossip, they're a malicious fool who deserves to be ignored

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Meghann | 2012/07/12

I don''t have any advice for you Alfred, but you do have my sympathy. It''s awful being stuck in an unhappy marriage and not knowing what to do to get out. I feel really sorry for you having to live with an abusive, angry woman. No person deserves to be unhappy or to be verbally, physically or mentally abused. Good luck Alfred! I hope you wil find a way out of this dreadful situation you find yourself in. Take care.

Reply to Meghann
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/12

Usually, the aim of such a long engagement is to have the opportunity to get to know each other well enough not to have any unpleasant surprises after marriage.
If your wife has "issues" which make her and others ( like you ) miserable, then she has a responsibility to see a proper shrink to work on solving these issues. She needs to be told, calmly and firmly that her behaviours such as the abusive screaming is not tolerable and won't be tolerated. She must either see a shrink and work hard and sincerrely to solve these problems, or end the marriage, as she has no right to marinate herself in whatever her "issues" are, and then inflict her fury on anyone else. She may, from the sound of it, need more psychotherapy than counselling, and from a really experienced psychologist rather than only a counsellor - and may need to be very sincerely engaged in making the necessary changes.
It seems unlikely that she is only this un pleasant when with you in private, and she has probably revealed this aspect of herself to others, qwho wont be surprised if you choose to leave her, and will probably understand. If anyone chooses to gossip, they're a malicious fool who deserves to be ignored

Reply to cybershrink

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