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Question
Posted by: pK | 2010/02/08

broken heart and pregnant

im 29, been in two serious relationships both didn' t work out because my ex' s decided to cheat on me. one relationship lasted for four years and the other one for a year. i decided that for the year 2009 its my year to heal i couldn' t take it from man anymore and i wanted to clear my heart.

before the year end i got a boyfriend thinking that ive got a match, there i was lying to my self again. i loved this guy and total forgot that i was twice heard in relationships. the relationship started quite fine, we spend almost every knight together, no signs of cheating from this boyfriend. by the way the boyfried has two kinds wich he told me about but not involved with any of the mother' s. then december xmas we went for a holiday together, to a city where one of the ex girlfriend stays, and he insited that he wanted to see her and his child which i did not have a problem with.

immidiately after the holiday things started falling apart the guy invited the lady to his place and the lady stayed for the whole week, at first he lclaimed that he was going on a bussiness trip only to find out he went to fetch his ex his sun plus the ladies daugther. apparently the lady was here to signe off some papers. but i did not buy that . i told him how i felt about the sistuation but he wasnt willing to apologise or try to make me understand the whole situation he kept on saying it was for his own benefit.


know the problem is he broke all the trust i had in him and i will never trust him again and i despise him for thinking that he can treat woman like that and move on the next one. to make the matters worse, im 3 months pregnant with my first child, i was happy at first but coming to think that who the father of the child is make me sick. i hadly smile or talk this days and this is really affecting my performance at work.

will hating the father not affect how i' m going to raise my child.

whenever i think of this guy, my heart beats very fast and i hate myself for giving myself to him, i feel used and have low self esteem.

how do i begin to trust again?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Awfully frustraing and hurtful for you, PK. I suppose he "thinks he can treat women like that" - because he can -because now several women in his experience have let him treat them like that, and get away with it.
But don't let yourself suffer for what he has been doing wrong, and certainly don't let the child suffer - he/she is the only totally innocent person involved here. Make absolutely sure, with the help of a counsellor if necessary, that you can distinguish between disliking the father, for good reasons, and loving the child - for even better reasons.
Don't waste your energy on living backwards, focussing on the anger - including unhelpful anger towards yourself for having trusted him. Rather just learn from the experience, and make sure you don't allow such a thing to happen again.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: XXX | 2010/02/09

Wow your choice in men appears to be in question ! You have unfortunately been treated very badly by several men.
You cannot change what has happened,so PLEASE forget about this loser (other than making sure he pays maintenance etc).What you MUST do though,is love your child with all your heart.That little one has not hurt you in any way and needs all the love and caring you can give.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/08

Awfully frustraing and hurtful for you, PK. I suppose he "thinks he can treat women like that" - because he can -because now several women in his experience have let him treat them like that, and get away with it.
But don't let yourself suffer for what he has been doing wrong, and certainly don't let the child suffer - he/she is the only totally innocent person involved here. Make absolutely sure, with the help of a counsellor if necessary, that you can distinguish between disliking the father, for good reasons, and loving the child - for even better reasons.
Don't waste your energy on living backwards, focussing on the anger - including unhelpful anger towards yourself for having trusted him. Rather just learn from the experience, and make sure you don't allow such a thing to happen again.

Reply to cybershrink

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