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Question
Posted by: Broken heart | 2009/11/07

Broken heart

Im a 32 year old man and was involved in a 3 year relationship with a divorced lady with a 6 year old son, on sunday we had an argument and i said some bad stuff to her, she did leave me and ended the relationship, we lived together for 2 and a half years, i really love her so much and this pain in unbearable, i have considered attempting suicide and came really close to doing it, i cant go on without her, i did try speaking to her, and she says she does not want a man who cant treat her son as his own, i did mention i will treat him as my step son and should we have children, my child and i will have a different bond, she says if i cant treat both children the same, then we cant be together, am i wrong in what i have said, i dont want to lie to her but i cant go on without her, please help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This isn't the end of the relationship, and should not be allowed to cause lasting damage to your life, either. A divorced or widowed woman with a child is naturally sensitive, and would want to ensure that her child will be protected and cared for. This is one reason why they may find it very difficult to form new relationships, as many men are not prepared to take on the challenges of a woman and child together.
She understandably hopes you will accept her child as your own, but needs to recognize that this will be as a good step-parent, and any children you father yourself would have a different relationship with you - not deficient or second-rung, but diferent, and that this is acceptable and for everyone's benefit.
What might ve wise would be to ask her to join you in some couples counselling sessions to work this out between you, with expert help and support, rather than in the midst of an argument

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/11/09

Why not copy this and email it to her?
I truly admire this women too, if only all mothers could be like this!
I hope you guys work things out.
Also you for sure will not have the same bond with him than your own sons, it will be ' different'  but who says it won' t be as great and you will not treat him the same as your own.
I think that she needs to understand.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: blossom | 2009/11/08

Try the yellow pages for a family counsellor or marriage counsellor.

Reply to blossom
Posted by: broken heart | 2009/11/07

she is indeed a gem, the best woman i ever came across and know i will never find anyone like her again cause they just dont exist, i would really appreciate it if anyone can suggest some counsellers in the durban area, cause i will do anything to be with her, she is my life and really cant go on without her,

Reply to broken heart
Posted by: Blossom | 2009/11/07

Well the child was there before you came along, so it is your duty to ensure that the child comfortable with you before you enter into a lasting relationship wiht the mother. This woman sounds like a gem, if a woman can put her child before her own happiness, she is a true treasure. I suggest you do whatever it takes to prove that you are worthy of her love and that of the child, coz if you do manage to land her hand in marriage, you would have yourself a real, true woman.

Reply to Blossom
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/07

This isn't the end of the relationship, and should not be allowed to cause lasting damage to your life, either. A divorced or widowed woman with a child is naturally sensitive, and would want to ensure that her child will be protected and cared for. This is one reason why they may find it very difficult to form new relationships, as many men are not prepared to take on the challenges of a woman and child together.
She understandably hopes you will accept her child as your own, but needs to recognize that this will be as a good step-parent, and any children you father yourself would have a different relationship with you - not deficient or second-rung, but diferent, and that this is acceptable and for everyone's benefit.
What might ve wise would be to ask her to join you in some couples counselling sessions to work this out between you, with expert help and support, rather than in the midst of an argument

Reply to cybershrink

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