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Question
Posted by: Nisha | 2011-08-08

broken

Over the weeken I found a gstring at my boyfriends flat and when I confronted him he said it was a friends. He has been sleeping with other women and we were to get engaged at the end of the year. He has really broken my heart and feel so depressed. I don''t know what to do and how to tell my friends &  family as they will disown me if they knew I was sleeping with him before marriage. I made the biggest mistake of my life by getting physical with him to the point of having sex.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry, I don't understand. If he has been sleeping with other women, why are you still engaged to him ? OK, it wasn't your wisest decision to allow him to sleep with you, but that's no excuse for him to sleep around and endanger your health and even your life.
And what sort of (presumably women ) friends does he claim to have who he DOESN'T sleep with, but leave their G-strings in his bed ?
And you can tell your friends and family that you found he was sleeping around and lying about it, and that this has left you feeling heart-broken and with no alternative but to break off the engagement. Anyone who chooses to blame you for this misfortune is NOT a friend, and doesn't deserve to be considered family, either.
They're not entitled to know all the gory details, but there's no sense in continuing to be engaged to such a man for future misery, and you need them to know you have broken it off with him for good reasons
As Liza points out if he then tries to stir up trouble for you with them, it will sound like sour grapes coming from a known cheat and liar.

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Our users say:
Posted by: OB | 2011-08-08

Your family has the standard not to consumate a relationship before marriage. Now you did not uphold their values and have seen how a lack of commitment on his part has put you in this situation- you can now see the reasons for waiting!
Dump him and get yourself tested for ALL stds and behave in the manner which would make your family proud!

Reply to OB
Posted by: Jenni | 2011-08-08

You don''t have to tell your family the details. You can just tell him you found out he was cheating. Nothing else is their business. In fact, they''ll be grateful that you ditched him before you got some sort of awful disease from him. I know it hurts- being engaged isn''t something you just do for fun. But think of it this way- you WILL be saving yourseld possibly a lifetime of pain, hurt, and STDs. You will find someone who loves you- a cheater doesn''t love the person he''s cheating on. Tkae a couple of days, cry your eyes out and then think about the good things that will come of this.

Reply to Jenni
Posted by: Romany | 2011-08-08

So you had sex with him and you are not marred...so what.
Be gratefull that you found out he is a cheating bastard before you got engaged and married.
Now leave him, tell your family it did not work out (no need for details, you are a grown-up) and find someone faithfull that you can spend the rest of your life with.
Congratulations on catching him out !!!! You have saved yourself a lot of tears and pain for the future.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Adel | 2011-08-08

Don''t even consider getting engaged to a man who is sleeping with other women! Why do you need to explain your relationship to your friends and family. You don''t need to discuss your private life with your family at all. Don''t be so hard on yourself sex before marriage happens.:< )

Reply to Adel
Posted by: Liza | 2011-08-08

Stop the bus! What does having sex before marriage have to do with the fact that this guy is unfaithful? This is definitely NOT the type of person you want to marry. And if friends and family will disown you for leaving the cheating bum - then their priorities are all wrong and their common sense severely lacking. The truth is that they really don''t need to know about your sexual activities, but they do need to know what kind of a-hole this guy is. And if he then tells them that you''ve been ''naughty'' - it will come across as sour grapes from his side.

Dump the bum, go for counseling to work on your self-esteem and then find a FAITHFUL partner...

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-08-08

Sorry, I don't understand. If he has been sleeping with other women, why are you still engaged to him ? OK, it wasn't your wisest decision to allow him to sleep with you, but that's no excuse for him to sleep around and endanger your health and even your life.
And what sort of (presumably women ) friends does he claim to have who he DOESN'T sleep with, but leave their G-strings in his bed ?
And you can tell your friends and family that you found he was sleeping around and lying about it, and that this has left you feeling heart-broken and with no alternative but to break off the engagement. Anyone who chooses to blame you for this misfortune is NOT a friend, and doesn't deserve to be considered family, either.
They're not entitled to know all the gory details, but there's no sense in continuing to be engaged to such a man for future misery, and you need them to know you have broken it off with him for good reasons
As Liza points out if he then tries to stir up trouble for you with them, it will sound like sour grapes coming from a known cheat and liar.

Reply to cybershrink

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