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Question
Posted by: Annon | 2011-06-09

Broken

My husband &  I have been going through marital problems, which I believed were caused by lack of communication &  the pressure of having a child with ADHD. On top of that my husband began having an affair with another woman. Before I found out about the affair I suggested counselling bcoz we slept in the same bed &  were never intimate for almost a year, he agreed to attend counselling at our church. Instead of moving forward after counselling it seemed like we were going backward. The counsellor even began feeling frustrated with us bcoz, there was no breakthrough. The counsellor asked him if there was another woman in the picture and he lied to him. A few weeks later I discovered that there was indeed another woman. He apologies &  promised to end the affair, but he refused to go back to counselling. The affair never ended immediately. After all of that I still forgave him &  I was willing to work through our problems. But each time we have a disagreement or if I try to talk to him about things that I am not happy with, we end up taking 100 steps backward and stop talking. I have a special need child &  I am pregnant with my 3rd child &  I believe more than ever that I need my husband more than he needs me. I know I have to make a decision for myself and children’ s sake, but I am so hurt, lost and broken at the moment.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I never recommend counselling at a church, except by a fully trained counsellor or psychologist, trained in proper counselling rather than pastoral stuff - simple because thouigh they may handle the easy stuff much of the time, they are not properly trained to handle complex or difficult situations.
And if your spouse was prepared to lie to a church counsellor about his affair, then he clearly has little respect for you or the church or the counsellor.
"Forgiving" someone who has not genuinely repented and changed, is not merely a waste of time but actively encourages bad behaviour.
Counselling with a far more expert and experienced counsellor is still a good idea ; and trying hard not to get pregnant by an unfaithful and dishones man

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: baby doll | 2011-06-09

you having another child with this man....?!?!?!
so he stopped his affair long enough to knock you up. How nice.
It sounds like he doesn''t love you and now you have a marriage, a special needs child and a THIRD on the way.
1) Use protection if you guys ever have sex again (plllllleease)
2) Stay in the marriage and use him for his support - financial - two incomes are better than one.
3) if you ever want to be loved again do as he does... have an affair yourself.

You guys have clearly got to deal with each other because you''re locked in now, just do what you have to do day to day and seek love elsewhere.
I know I sound rough, but why on earth would you let him impregnate you?!?!
I''m sorry for being angry but my parents did the same because they thought they could ''save the marriage'' by having more kids. They can''t even love each other and yet they had 4 children. Needless to say, we''re all screwed up.
Please be careful next time.

Reply to baby doll
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-06-09

I never recommend counselling at a church, except by a fully trained counsellor or psychologist, trained in proper counselling rather than pastoral stuff - simple because thouigh they may handle the easy stuff much of the time, they are not properly trained to handle complex or difficult situations.
And if your spouse was prepared to lie to a church counsellor about his affair, then he clearly has little respect for you or the church or the counsellor.
"Forgiving" someone who has not genuinely repented and changed, is not merely a waste of time but actively encourages bad behaviour.
Counselling with a far more expert and experienced counsellor is still a good idea ; and trying hard not to get pregnant by an unfaithful and dishones man

Reply to cybershrink

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