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Question
Posted by: Unsure mother | 2012/03/09

Breakup blues

My son is in first year at Uni. His girlfriend of 2 years has broken up with him 3 weeks ago saying that she needs to experience other guys and he was completely devastated. His dad and I were being supportive to him through the breakup. I tried not to comment on his ex, just tell him how amazing he is. Now the ex has started calling and wanting to be his friend. She says she is confused.

My husband is going ballistic. He is convinced that she will give our son an STI or fall pregnant deliberately. He wants to forbid our son from seeing the ex at his flat. I feel that we can''t forbid our son. He should make his own decisions. I have gently advised my son to look after himself physically and emotionally. Would it be better for our son not to see his ex? And if he sees her, should they meet in a public place only? They are on campus together - if he refuses to see her, it would be awkward surely?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like he took this relationship really seriously, and she saw it as recreational or as some sort of practice session. She sounds more than confused, and hardly worthy of him. She sonds manipulative and unstable. Forbidding your son from seeing her is likely to drive him into her arms. Rather be calmer and chat to him about it more frequently, reminding him how unkind and thoughtless she was about his feelings last time round, and how there's really no reason to expect anything better this time, and how you don't want him to get hurt again. But maybe he needs to make this sort of mistake and learn from it.
He can refuse to meet her romantically, without needing to climb out of the window any time she comes into the same room at uni.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/09

Sounds like he took this relationship really seriously, and she saw it as recreational or as some sort of practice session. She sounds more than confused, and hardly worthy of him. She sonds manipulative and unstable. Forbidding your son from seeing her is likely to drive him into her arms. Rather be calmer and chat to him about it more frequently, reminding him how unkind and thoughtless she was about his feelings last time round, and how there's really no reason to expect anything better this time, and how you don't want him to get hurt again. But maybe he needs to make this sort of mistake and learn from it.
He can refuse to meet her romantically, without needing to climb out of the window any time she comes into the same room at uni.

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