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Question
Posted by: Ma2lis | 2012/10/11

Breakup and not sure if i should go back

I broke up with my live in partner of 4 years and we both went to a HIV tests and tested positive. I called of the relationship because of the 2 baby mama dramas which I could not stand. Now im not sure if i made the right decision as i find it diffucult to disclose my HIV status to new relationships. I''ve been dating here and there and of course using a condom. Please advice as I miss having my BF around and he''s been smsing too trying to get us meet again.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It seems to me that even talking of a "baby mama" makes the serious issue of men lightly making babies with different women without being seriously concerned about the relationship with the woman or the child, seem light and not so significant. Sorry to hear you've had such bad luck with your choice of partner.
Anyhow, you may find our HIV forum useful for discussing with others with similar experiences, how they have handled such issues as disclosure of HIV status
Are you sure it's wise to give up on the possibility of other relationships, and assume you'll be happy to go back to someone who may have been the guy who contributed the HIV to your life, and has shown continuing irresponsibility in producing at least 2 baby mamas as well ?
Wouldn't it be wiser to wait and continue to explore, to find someone who properly respects and loves you ( and only you ) ?
As Just Me implies - first start by loving yourself, then take your time to find the right loving partner.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/13

It seems to me that even talking of a "baby mama" makes the serious issue of men lightly making babies with different women without being seriously concerned about the relationship with the woman or the child, seem light and not so significant. Sorry to hear you've had such bad luck with your choice of partner.
Anyhow, you may find our HIV forum useful for discussing with others with similar experiences, how they have handled such issues as disclosure of HIV status
Are you sure it's wise to give up on the possibility of other relationships, and assume you'll be happy to go back to someone who may have been the guy who contributed the HIV to your life, and has shown continuing irresponsibility in producing at least 2 baby mamas as well ?
Wouldn't it be wiser to wait and continue to explore, to find someone who properly respects and loves you ( and only you ) ?
As Just Me implies - first start by loving yourself, then take your time to find the right loving partner.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Just Me | 2012/10/12

What is the reason for you wanting to go back to him, is it because you still love him or its the fear of going into a new relationship taking into consideration your status? your answer will lie in how this question is answered by you of course.

as a person also living with HIV, i stayed in an unhealthy relationship for years (wasting precious time) because of the fear that no one else can love me, and the disclosing issue. well i was fed up some point and got out, was lonely and depressed for some months, until I choose to love myself regardless and remind myself of atleast 1 person who loves me unconditionally (God). My first attempted relationship after the breakup with boyfriend, ended badly as i was rejected immediately i disclosed, was heart broken, yes i thought i don''t want to be in a relationship anymore. Times came when i missed and wanted back my ex but i cried, i prayed, i laughed, i cried. whatever i needed to do to survive. Today i am in a relationship with someone who accepted me as i am, disclosed at the first go and open the field for him to walk away if he wants.

All i am saying is, you will find that with your status some of your decision will be widely influenced by fear, but to really live and be happy, take chance. Don''t go back out of self pity and feeling of comfort because your ex knows your status. Up until you understand your value as a woman, regardless of your status, fear will dominate some of your decision.

Just thought i''d share, hope it helps you in your decision making.

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/10/12

You want to go back to him because you don''t want to disclose your status?
You want to go back and there was cheating?

I don''t see any love entering this discussion.

Why don''t you rather stick it out and see what and who else is out there that might actually really love you, care for you and give you what you need.

You miss having SOMEONE around maybe not THIS man?

Good Luck

Reply to 40''ish

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