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Question
Posted by: Tracy | 2010-04-28

Breaking up-may become psyco stalker!!

HI,

I need some advise, I started seeing a guy about two months ago. I made the mistake of asking him to a braai with me. I have known him for about 5 years but it never went any further than chatting when we saw each other. The problem is that he is 34, still lives at home with his folks, which is not such a big problem as he looks after them financially but has also never been in a relationship. I have decided to end things with him as there is NO SPARK at all and his constant negitive attitude to life was starting to get me down. The very thought of being intimate with him turns my gut!! He is now sending me all sorts of Sms about how badly this breakup is effecting him and how I have broken him as a person.

How do I make him understand this is not the end of the world and that sending me guilt trip sms''s is not going to make me change my mind.....I also don''t want to end up with a psyco stalker on my hands!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe his consistently negative attitude towards life creates a self-fulfilling prophect, and helps to explain his lack of lasting relationships ? Apparently he, for whatever reason, came to think more of this relationship than you did, and is taking it even more seriously than you do.
There's probably no alternative to at least trying to talk this out with him - meeting publically, perhaps in a coffee shop to reduce the risk of confrontation - and to take the "blame" on yourself - you liked the chats you used to have, but were not and are not looking for anything more serious, deep or lasting, with him or anyone else.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2010-04-29

He sounds very clingy. The only way to break it off with someone who is clingy is to have a very final split. Do NOT try to still be ''friends'' after the split. You have to tell him that it is over and that he must not contact you again. Then do not respond to mails, calls etc from him ever again. If he gets hold of you via sneaky means - tell him again that it is over and that he must not contact you again. Guys like this FORCE you to get ''nasty'' - which isn''t nastiness at all, but rather assertiveness. SO DONT FEEL GUILTY!

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Tracy | 2010-04-28

Hi,

Thanks, I have tried those exact words and he still does not seem to understand. I have offered him a friendship which in hindsite might not have been the best thing to do. He keeps asking me if there is still a chance for this to work.....

I will make sure that my friends and family are aware of the weird sms''s! I hope he gets the picture soon or I might have to get nasty which I don''t really want to do.



Reply to Tracy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-04-28

Maybe his consistently negative attitude towards life creates a self-fulfilling prophect, and helps to explain his lack of lasting relationships ? Apparently he, for whatever reason, came to think more of this relationship than you did, and is taking it even more seriously than you do.
There's probably no alternative to at least trying to talk this out with him - meeting publically, perhaps in a coffee shop to reduce the risk of confrontation - and to take the "blame" on yourself - you liked the chats you used to have, but were not and are not looking for anything more serious, deep or lasting, with him or anyone else.

Reply to cybershrink

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