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Question
Posted by: Regina | 2012-03-22

Breaking up

I have just broken up with my fiance, we were leaving together for a over a year. We were happy the first six month, then he started defaulting on the payments on some of his debt, I asked him will tell me that he paid the debt or some other reson. I left it at that. He then took out a loan with out letting me know, when I asked him, he said he needed the money for his ailing mother. In December he did not have any money, i was to pay the place we leave in &  all the expenses. I broke up with him cause I felt he''s leaving a double life, hence the reason not having money and the loans. They day he moved out of our place a girlfriend picked him up at our place. A week later, he picked our son for a visit, my 3 years old tells me I want to go to my sister, he has a daughter the same age as my son. I did not know of this. What is worse he does not want to maintain his son, he tells me that he does not have money.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Whether or not he's living a double life, it sounds as though he's not being frank with you about his debts and obligations, and as though he's not keeping up with his obligations to share expenses with you. Then to have a gf so ready to fetch him, and the discovery that he has a child around the same age as your son with another woman. confirms there has been a double life, and that he has been deliberately misleading you.
Whether he wants to do so or not, he has a legal obligation to support his son with you, and you should go to your local Maintenance Court and get a court order requiring him to pay - if he doesn't do so, he'd be in contempt of court and could be in serious trouble. This would be good for your child, and might also help to teach him to stop fathering kids he can't be bothered to properly care for.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: TLK | 2012-03-23

You have given him good and he has re-payed you with the worst,
We cant really blame the other woman cause we don''t know the kind of lies that he fed her....But i doubt that she did not know that you existed( speculation), But you have won, it is best that he is out of your life now that later.....he would have dragged you down, Be a proud mummy and raise your Kid with good morals'' it is not easy being a single mummy and life wont guarantee you someone who wont hurt you, All you can do is design your OWN life and forget things that you have no control over....

The pain will pass'' give it time and be strong AND NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TO CHANGE YOU!!!

Reply to TLK
Posted by: Pain | 2012-03-22

This is so sad, why are people so mean, why did he lead you on and for so many years. This does sound like a double life, where would a woman and a child come from all of a sudden. He is a cheat and a liar, please ensure that you are healthy have yourself tested. The new"  old"  girlfriend will also be hurt when she realises that he is a liar and financially dependent on people. I am proud of you for not settling and staying for the sake of the child and to be married. It is very hard for woman to let go when they have a vision of their wedding and a happy family. I am so sorry for your pain, pat yourself in the back you have done well. You will raise your child with dignity and honor. You will also find a good man who will look after you with no strange tendencies.

Reply to Pain
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-03-22

Whether or not he's living a double life, it sounds as though he's not being frank with you about his debts and obligations, and as though he's not keeping up with his obligations to share expenses with you. Then to have a gf so ready to fetch him, and the discovery that he has a child around the same age as your son with another woman. confirms there has been a double life, and that he has been deliberately misleading you.
Whether he wants to do so or not, he has a legal obligation to support his son with you, and you should go to your local Maintenance Court and get a court order requiring him to pay - if he doesn't do so, he'd be in contempt of court and could be in serious trouble. This would be good for your child, and might also help to teach him to stop fathering kids he can't be bothered to properly care for.

Reply to cybershrink

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