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Question
Posted by: CC | 2010-10-20

Break-ups

I recently told my partner it''s over and moved to my parent''s with the kids because he didn''t want to move out. I started pulling myself out of this relationship months ago because he is an alcoholic and emotionally drained me. Now he doesn''t want to let me go, he keeps on asking me to come back and that he realised what he''s done. I believe him in a way, but I also know that he has a tendancy to mess up everytime life gets too hard. I care for him, we were together for 11 years and have 3 kids. But I am affraid of what will happen if I go back now. The other problem is that my kids has no stabillity at the moment. They don''t have a home and a secure place. What should I do? I am really confused at the moment.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Who owns the house you moved out of ? If it's yours, or you helped pay for it, maybe you need to consult a lawyer to protect your rights and your investment.
Now, having moved out, you're protecting your emotional investment. If he is an alcholic, his promises might not mean much - claiming that he will stay dry and get his act together are unlikely, in themselves, to come true. Tell him to callyou when he has worked with rehab, a shrink and AA, and has stayed dry for a year or two, and then you might re-consider your decision.
Don't be too worried about the kids just yet. hey should surely be reasonably happy being with your parents, and with you - being with an alcoholic is not beneficial. They will take their lead from you - if you seem awfully bothered and anxious, they will get anxious, too. If you seem confident and calm, so will they be.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-10-20

Who owns the house you moved out of ? If it's yours, or you helped pay for it, maybe you need to consult a lawyer to protect your rights and your investment.
Now, having moved out, you're protecting your emotional investment. If he is an alcholic, his promises might not mean much - claiming that he will stay dry and get his act together are unlikely, in themselves, to come true. Tell him to callyou when he has worked with rehab, a shrink and AA, and has stayed dry for a year or two, and then you might re-consider your decision.
Don't be too worried about the kids just yet. hey should surely be reasonably happy being with your parents, and with you - being with an alcoholic is not beneficial. They will take their lead from you - if you seem awfully bothered and anxious, they will get anxious, too. If you seem confident and calm, so will they be.

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