Our expert says:
YOu mention the rural / city differences in your backgrounds, but the way she has been and is behaving don't sound as though they would be typical or acceptable in the farm community where she grew up. For her to expect a maid and night nurse for the children, and to just "not feel like it" as regards work when you are havign financial problems, does sound lazy and inconsiderate and spoiled. I see your observation that, having behaved like this before the births, it is unlikely to be PND. I wonder whether that diagnosis was properly and competently made ? If she is not truly chemically depressed, antidepresants won't be able to help, and may merely be making her more tired.
It also does sound as though hwe threat to leave you and the children ( which would be highly irresponsible of her ) is unrealistic if she has nowhere else to go. Are you sure she doesn't have some other relationship, someone else, like maybe even the father of her child, she is thinking she could turn to ?
You could try discussing this calmly with her, and make it clear that you cannot afford to support her as someone who does nothing but expect you to hire other people to do everything for the home and the children. IF she wants to leave, there may be no great loss to you or the children ( as she doesn't sound as though she is actually mothering them much ) --- but wouldn't you sill have the problem of having to hire someone to care for them ?
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