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Question
Posted by: mowzy | 2010/01/13

break up

Hi Cyber shrink happy new year to u.

I have been in a 4 year relationship. He had paid lobola. we had twins about 2 years ago that unfortunately passed on. its a great relationship obviously with ups and downs like any other but our problems are repairable things. or so i thought. He says he wants out. has someone else from work that he wants to explore things with. all this happened in the past 4 weeks. he says i hav all the qualities he wants in a woman but he wants to explore this thing with her. can a person be willing to give up 4 years for something he doesnt know?we had planned to try for a baby this year again. he says he still wants a baby with me but that doesnt mean it will change things between us. He is willing to go for counselling but nt to fix things just to make sure he is making the right decision. we dont have financial issues. we dont have sexual issues. so what could it be? his rason change all the time. Am thnking of having a baby wth him. I know babies dont change relationships but they can certainly add warmth and a reason to keep ging. plus it was our plan. please help. i love him so much and i inow in a few months he will be over this phase/infatutaion and back to me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Happy all round ( well, almost all round - I have a short list of those I don't plan to wish a good new year !)

If one is properly committed to any relationship, you don't dump a partner with whom you have been for years, and even had kids, to "try something out " with a new bit of fluff from work - this isn't about experimenting with a new recipe for soup.

If he really thinks that having a baby together won't change anything for him, he's no at all fit to be a father. And if he still thinks it's fine to experiment with the work-fluff, while still planning a child with you - ditto.

Babies are not glue - having a child NEVER fixes a failing relationship. Sort out the relationship, either getting it healthy again, or giving it up if he can't bother being a real man about the responsibilities of having a child, before even thinking of having a child with someone so immature

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/01/14

He has shown you the absolute WORST form of disrespect by being willing to give up what you' ve had for a bit of fun on the side. Do not encourage this by waiting patiently on the side line for him to " get over"  his fling! Show some respect for yourself, and get out of this relationship. I know it' s not going to be easy, but be strong - you owe it to yourself to be with someone who is going to be there for you no matter what.

And even if he did come back to you - do you want someone else' s leftovers? And who' s to say it won' t happen again in a year' s time? Are you willing to let him go off " exploring"  every time the mood takes him?

And what ever you do, DON' T bring an innocent child into this! A child shouldn' t ever be brought into the world to try and fix something that isn' t worth repairing. You' ll still be alone, and now you' ll have a child with a man who definitely shouldn' t be a father from what I' ve heard.

Good luck, and be strong!!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: Nelly | 2010/01/13

Dont have a baby yet, I was in a four year relationship in which we had an abortion when I was preggies because he also wanted to date other people. Not that an abortion is a good thing, but now am glad that I did not bring a baby into that picture. I have now met a loving man who is ready to settle down and have children. Your turn will come, don' t act all desperate!

Reply to Nelly
Posted by: Sorry | 2010/01/13

Hayi some relationships!

Reply to Sorry
Posted by: Ross | 2010/01/13

Good luck, lady! CS will be best to awnser, but sometimes we are blind for the truth.

Reply to Ross
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/13

Happy all round ( well, almost all round - I have a short list of those I don't plan to wish a good new year !)

If one is properly committed to any relationship, you don't dump a partner with whom you have been for years, and even had kids, to "try something out " with a new bit of fluff from work - this isn't about experimenting with a new recipe for soup.

If he really thinks that having a baby together won't change anything for him, he's no at all fit to be a father. And if he still thinks it's fine to experiment with the work-fluff, while still planning a child with you - ditto.

Babies are not glue - having a child NEVER fixes a failing relationship. Sort out the relationship, either getting it healthy again, or giving it up if he can't bother being a real man about the responsibilities of having a child, before even thinking of having a child with someone so immature

Reply to cybershrink

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