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Question
Posted by: breaker | 2011/08/15

break

My husband of 8months is accusing me of controlling him...everytime when i raise an issue that im not happy with in the house he becomes all moody and accuse me of disrespecting him...this man has a bad habit of postponing everything and very careless..i hav to remind him of everything including taking his own cat to service..and he doesnt not communicate anything to me unless he is in trouble...he is very talkativw when he talks about his job or other people outside oru marriage but when its abt us..he get all moody and blame me for picking up fights when i raise concerns...i spoke to him abt this passion that he has when he talks abt other issues than us and told himi wish he would treat us like that but it doesnt seem to be changing. I am a very opinionated person and i like talking and everything that i do or he does must have a reason and he does not feel the same and call me confrontational...i have run out of ideas..on how to handle this marriage anymore..all i need is time on my own...this is our constant fight...and he always promise tobe a man and take up his duties..but he is just talking....it has never worked...I am tired of being a man an d a woman in this marriage....and i told him that...but this just goes on and on

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This sounds like another example of a couple who get married before they really know each other well enough. He sounds of very low self-esteem, badly organized, but very sensitive to seeing it as blaming him ( even when it isn't ) when anything about the household is criticised. He seems to see even discussion about problems, as a criticism.
You admit that you are very opinionated and talkative, and maybe he finds this especially hard to cope with.
Maybe you can persuade him to join you in marriage counselling, especially if you suggest that you feel this would help you to adjust better to marriage, and so that the pair of you can solve whatever problems turn up, working positively together, and without you upsetting him as seems to happen and as is not your intention ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/15

This sounds like another example of a couple who get married before they really know each other well enough. He sounds of very low self-esteem, badly organized, but very sensitive to seeing it as blaming him ( even when it isn't ) when anything about the household is criticised. He seems to see even discussion about problems, as a criticism.
You admit that you are very opinionated and talkative, and maybe he finds this especially hard to cope with.
Maybe you can persuade him to join you in marriage counselling, especially if you suggest that you feel this would help you to adjust better to marriage, and so that the pair of you can solve whatever problems turn up, working positively together, and without you upsetting him as seems to happen and as is not your intention ?

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