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Question
Posted by: irene | 2010/10/13

brainwashed, controlled &  threatened

She has been manipulated for about 2yrs and is now under the control of this man. I researched that he''s a sociopath. She has to report to him for everything she does, threatened her and made her cut everyone out of her life. I tell her to disappear off the planet and she says he will come after her and never stop.. she does love and care for him - she defends him and denies the physical and emotional abuse. She told me she has written her suicide note because that would be the only way to get out or before he kills her or her family members.
She confided in me - but now her family know all information and they not understand the reasoning behind her behaviour.
What can I do? Who can I talk to - to prevent her from being murdered by this demonic person? or from taking her own life?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

She should speak with agencies like POWA who specialize in helping abused women escape safely. They could help her get a restraining order against the man so that he would go to jail if he even tried to contact her again.
But while she insists on remaining in denial and won't acknowledge his abuse, there's not much people outside of the relationship can do. If he has threatened to kill oer or others, this is in itself a criminal offense for which he can be arrested and jailed.

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Our users say:
Posted by: @purple | 2010/10/13

I wonder what you base your IQ assessment on, exactly?

Actual studies of abusive relationships have shown that it can take an average of nine attempts before an abused woman finally break with her abuser for good.

And it has a lot less to do with IQ than it has to do with the very special level of damage that happens when the person torturing you is the same person you initially trusted to make love to you.

Then factor in issues like children, shock and a systematic breakdown of self-esteem - and remember that it doesn''t happen the day after the wedding, or all at once - and you have a very complex situation.

I do know that a woman in this predicament has to be very careful not to trust someone like you to help her get away because your impatience and lack of comprehension or empathy would just compound her problems.

Reply to @purple
Posted by: Purple | 2010/10/13

Unfortunately people being abused this way are often too scared to leave the situation, or if they do manage to, they return again (voluntarily).

I don''t really believe someone can be brainwashed unless they have a particularly low IQ, and his behaviour sounds very controlling and abusive. However, it really is up to her to actually want to leave and ask for help in doing so, until then, she will just keep on going back, laying charges and withdrawing them. Some people don''t want to be helped.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/13

She should speak with agencies like POWA who specialize in helping abused women escape safely. They could help her get a restraining order against the man so that he would go to jail if he even tried to contact her again.
But while she insists on remaining in denial and won't acknowledge his abuse, there's not much people outside of the relationship can do. If he has threatened to kill oer or others, this is in itself a criminal offense for which he can be arrested and jailed.

Reply to cybershrink

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