Our expert says:
It's especially frustrating, isn't it, when you have good reason to be angry with someone, but they are indeed "helping" you, thus making it difficult to feel entirely justified when you get angry about it. And they are indeed being invasive.
Try to see their point of view ( and it's a point of view I suspect they don't recognize themselves ) - they are RETIRED. They are capable and energetic folks, who have very little to do with their time and energy - and so affectionately, they choose to use all of this to help you in many ways, whether or not you need to be helped or want to be helped. They don't recognize that it is themselves they are helping, most of all.
What might be useful would be to tackle this view of events. Discuss it with your boyfriend, in the light of how you could both best help THEM. COuld there be ways to get them involved in local charities and other Good Works which genuinely do really need volunteers and helpers, where they could do enormous good. And as a bridge, while that picks up, to wean them from doing what you don't want - are there chores and tasks around your home which you could actually ask them to do, which would help them to feel useful. When you two have a plan, then as a couple discuss mit with his parents, along the lines of feeling so overwhelmed by their energies and usefulness when you don't really need much help, and feeling guilty at using up their efforts when there are so many needy groups and people in your area who need their help much more. Ask whether you could keep their helpfulness more in store for emergencies and times of need, and suggest you have together explored ways in which they could have such a valuable impact on the community at large.
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