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Question
Posted by: zappa | 2010/01/17

Boyfriend' s blues

Hi
My boyfriend was diagnosed with clinical depression 10 years ago. He was placed on medication and used this for the time it was prescribed.

This was long before we met.
He went to a psychiatrist about 2 years ago when he took up guitar and experienced excessive anxiety when performing.
He was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and placed on adopax.

He is currently on the medication and I thought in general he was OK. We' ve been together for 4 years and he has never struck me as a liar or chancer. But now he tells me that because of his depression, he sometimes drinks too much and cannot control it.
He also said that due to his depression it is impossible for him to promise me that he won' t drink too much or assure me that he' ll never do anything else that I won' t approve of. Among other things, he cannot assure me that he won' t stray. All due to his depression.

His psychiatrist has not diagnosed him with depression. He will see her again this week. But even if it is depression, does this really mean that he is not responsible for his actions?

Is this possible or am I being had?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like he needs re-asessment by a proper specialist pychiatrist, and a check on the best diagnosis and treatment. Alcohol is often used by people with depression and/or anxiety disorders as it may feel as though it brings rapid relief - but in fact it worsens the disorders and undermines their proper treatment.
Depression in itself does not make it impossible to control one's behaviour, and especially is unlikely to lead one to stray ( it more often leads to a loss of interest in sex )- one remains responsible for for one's choices and hebaviours

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: zappa | 2010/01/18

Thanks for the prompt response

I' ve been on the verge of braking up with him a couple of times due to the drinking.
He is not an alcoholic and does not over-indulge on a daily or even weekly basis.
But he knows that I hate it when he does and each time he promises that he won' t do it again.

When he fails to stick to this promise, he says that he doesn' t know why he does it.
He says it' s as if his brain just sort of cuts out and that logic and reason doesn' t fit into the picture.
When I tell him I want to break it off, he says that he is trying to find out why he does what he does.
That he doesn' t want to loose me and that he hates himself for disappointing me.
He is convinced it is due to depression.
I think he' s just a guy being selfish and not considering his girlfriend enough of a priority to stop what is fun at the time.

He says that it' s not true.
I wanted to know how I can trust him if he apparently cannot trust himself. And what would stop him from ever doing something more extreme like cheating
if he says that he cannot control his behaviour.
He said he would hope his love for me is enough to keep him from doing something like that. But ultimately he couldn' t guarantee me anything because he
doesn' t believe his selfish behaviour to be a choice.

He says he wants to marry me and will do anything to give me peace of mind. But he first has to discover what the cause of his problems are.
I agree that one should find the root of an issue, but I don' t feel that not knowing entitles you to be excused for your actions in the meantime.
That' s why I needed to know if there really could be something neurological / psychological that could cause him to go as far as cheating.
Because I' m having a hard time buying that one.

Reply to zappa
Posted by: Jason | 2010/01/18

Hi Zappa,

I' ve also had depression and anxiety disorder.

Also been on Aropax.

Yes, I also used to drink maybe a bit much.

But this story about straying sounds very far-fetched to me. Taking AD' s or being anxious will NOT cause you to stray!

Sounds like he might be looking for a way of getting out of the relationship, but can' t bring himself to tell you directly.

How has your relationship been lately?

Reply to Jason
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/18

Sounds like he needs re-asessment by a proper specialist pychiatrist, and a check on the best diagnosis and treatment. Alcohol is often used by people with depression and/or anxiety disorders as it may feel as though it brings rapid relief - but in fact it worsens the disorders and undermines their proper treatment.
Depression in itself does not make it impossible to control one's behaviour, and especially is unlikely to lead one to stray ( it more often leads to a loss of interest in sex )- one remains responsible for for one's choices and hebaviours

Reply to cybershrink

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