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Question
Posted by: Lynn | 2009/12/14

Boyfriend issues

Dear CS

I have a problem with my boyfriend,if we get into arguments aor dissagreements amd end up angry with each other i find that im always the one who has to go and suck up to him and appologise or try to talk to him so that we can get our relationship on back on track,he never even tries and because of that even when ive done nothing wrong i feel that when i appologise or try to speak to him in his eyes im admitting that i was the one who was in the wrong,i hate fighting and arguing,i feel that i am the one who has to beg in my relationship,yesterday when we argued i just decided to stay in the bedroom and let him have his space and he did his sulking and we havnt spoken till today,what am i doing wrong? how do i deal with this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You are NOT "always the one who HAS to " apologise , etc. - you arfe the one who always chooses to do so. You don't have to do so.
And if he is so immature that he never sees any fault in his behaviour, never sees any need to apologise, and expects you to behave in this way - why do you choose to stay in a relationship with such a loser ?
What you are doing wrong is to encourage him to behave badly, and to blame yourself for his bad behaviour and some for which you share responsibility. Move on, find a real man and have a wholesome relationship in which you don't feel the need to beg and grovel

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: JohnWayne | 2009/12/14

I completely agree with the above statement. By always lowering yourself or apologising he realises that he can do or say whatever he wants, and there is no consequence to his actions as he knows you will always come running back. you probably run to him, because he is a " stubborn"  person and he cant do anything about it, and you think that if you dont apologise, he will end the relationship. its like he is Simon and you are Garfunkel. - if he really does love you, he will respect you, and be mature enough to realise his mistakes and do something about it. - he is a coward, sooner or later he' s going to start cheating on you, going out with the boys for late noighs out, you' re gonna sit home, cos according to him, its OK if guys go out but not if girl go out alone!! we' ve heard it all before... my suggestion is ... move on!!! find someone with balls!! cos he definately doesnt have any!!

Reply to JohnWayne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/12/14

You are NOT "always the one who HAS to " apologise , etc. - you arfe the one who always chooses to do so. You don't have to do so.
And if he is so immature that he never sees any fault in his behaviour, never sees any need to apologise, and expects you to behave in this way - why do you choose to stay in a relationship with such a loser ?
What you are doing wrong is to encourage him to behave badly, and to blame yourself for his bad behaviour and some for which you share responsibility. Move on, find a real man and have a wholesome relationship in which you don't feel the need to beg and grovel

Reply to cybershrink

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