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Question
Posted by: Intimidator? | 2008/07/21

Boyfriend intimidated

Morning CS and everyone,

My b/f had not been talking for 2 weeks. Last night i was so pained and decided to give him a ring (I' m always making peace after every fight even if i was not in the wroing - makes me wonder where this will end). Anyway we are 27 and expecting a child. During the discussion he told me that I intimidate him by asking about things like common property, that we should save money and all. He says that he doesnt feel like he is a man in the relationship. My question is taking into consideration the unborn baby, arent these valid questions to be asking? We have been dating for 3 yrs and when is one expected to show the signs of settling down? I dont want to marry as yet but I just think his days of talking about himself, his career, sports and cars are over with me - I could tolerate them before pregnancy but now things have changed and I needs to adjust.
We both stay at separate communes and I dont want to end with a baby visitng him there or at his parents'  house.
Please advice and thank you!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Be aware that you may be setting a pattern, in which he expects you tom always make up to him, and not to expect him to take responsibility for himself and his own actions. Sounds like he has old-fashioned ideas about "the man" in a relationship --- why shouldn't you both be concerned about financial and other business matters ? And if he doesn't ask these very relevant questions, as you say, for the baby's sake YOu need to do so, and he shoudl be appreciative rather than critical. If he's still so into himself, maybe he's a bit immature to become a dad ? WOuld he consider joining you in relationship counselling ? Pushy is usually a weak man's description of a competent woman.

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2008/07/21

Ow Joe Soap shut up......

Reply to Me
Posted by: Joe Soap | 2008/07/21

Hi,

You should have thought about that before you decided to get pregnant.

Idiots. This is the reason why some people shouldn' t breed.

Reply to Joe Soap
Posted by: anon | 2008/07/21

Girl u have your head screwed on properly. He sounds immature and irresposible if he has still not taught of you guys future and with a baby coming on the way. he is right he does not sound like the men and sorry for him if he feels
intimidated. I think you are right in asking all this questions as it determines your future. Make you wonder if u even want a husband like him if he is already carrying on the way he is.
U take the bigger steps and be responsible about your finances.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Intimidator | 2008/07/21

Yes Joe Soap, if you read my post properly that is what I' m trying to get at but seemingly before his eyes, I appear to be pushy and he feels that I' m trying to make the decisions that he should be making at his own time.

Currently our finances are in order, that is why I expect both of us to take bigger steps now. The savings will go towards future financial pocket of the child eg, education.

Reply to Intimidator
Posted by: Tarryn | 2008/07/21

That' s uncalled for Joe Soap. I think Intimidator' s boyfriend is the one that needs to grow up. She seems to have her head on straight here.

Reply to Tarryn
Posted by: Joe soap | 2008/07/21

hi,

Maybe it' s time for both of you to grow up. You' re both 27. Surely in careers and have both made the decision of having a child.

Surely, don' t get my wrong. You guys should start to settle down and start thinking about marriage?

I see so many young people with kids, that they can ill afford and even more, they aren' t even financially secure...

Surely at 27, a guy should be able to deal with issues such as shock horror, common property, geez

Both of you, grow up.

Reply to Joe soap

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