Posted by: lola | 2009-07-21

Boyfriend has pregnant ex

I have been dating my bf for the past 8 months.We are completely in love with eachother, he treats my son like his own child, my family adores him and visa. We have spoken about marriage and it seems he is in it for the long haul. We knew eachother before we dated and I was aware of the fact that he has a pregnant ex gf when we got involved(who is quite a nasty piece of work -constant harrassment, verbal abuse etc) They were together for 2 months when she broke up with him and then as we were about to start our relationship, told him that she was pregnant and wants him back in the worst way, trying eveyrthing in the book to get at him.

We decided not to tell her about our relationship until after the birth, this is bothering me as I feel that she should know whats going on, he says he is trying to protect me from her.. There is no love lost between the two of them but as the time draws nearer for baby to be born, I find my anxiety levels increasing especially since he will be present when baby is born and wants to play an active role in the childs life.

. I am petrified that he is going to leave me and go back to her. He has reassured me over and over again that this will never happen, that it is me that he loves and wants a future with but i cannot help feeling the way I do. I really love this man and see myself marrying him. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
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His ex may indeed be nasty, but by who was she pregnant when you began your relaionship with him ? If it was by him, then he necessarily has continuing responsibilities towards the child. If it was by someone else, then he has no need to be in any sort of continuing contact with her. You seem to say that SHE broke up with him, and announced the pregnancy after that. This claim ma be true or false, and there should be blood testing done when the child is born to esablish whether he is indeed the father of the child. The child could have been fathered by someone else for whom she left your bf, only to have been dumped and then decided to call him the father and move back.
I underand your concerns, though it doesn't sound as though he would want to leave you for her. Keep this in discussion with him, and remind him that he can't assume that he is the father, and that he should insist on DNA and blood testing after the child is born. If she is being honest about him being the father, she has no reason to object to that

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gita | 2009-07-22

never take everything a man in a situation like that at face value. speaking from experience darling. if the woman was the one who dumped him, do u think she wud be again on his back wanting him back? he probably just want to have his cake and eat it.

Reply to Gita
Posted by: D | 2009-07-21

Just for information sake a pregnancy is actually 10months and usually if it your first child and you not having elective c-section your first born usually is overdue.

I totally agree, he should have a DNA test done

Reply to D
Posted by: Lola | 2009-07-21

We were friends first and i knew that she was pregnant when I started dating my bf. Paternity and him being faithful is not the issue here. I knew very well what I was i was getting myself into. He has been very open and honest about everything .he takes full responsiblity for the fact that he is going to have a child with her but just doesnt want a relationship with her. He has told her on countless occassions that he does not love her, does not have feelings for her and there will never be any romantic relationship btw the two of them.. She does not want to accept is displaying obsessive behaviour.

Reply to Lola
Posted by: Really | 2009-07-21

Are you sure this baby was concieved before you met, it seems as though it happened while you were together... 8 months plus 2 months makes 10 months... it' s an awful long period for someone to still be pregnant.. don' t you think?

Reply to Really
Posted by: Lola | 2009-07-21

He does accept that the child is his. Although, you are right, a paternity test should be done. To make matters worse she is an advocate and is using her law degree to her advantage.Threatening to sue him etc..She visit some of his family members constantly trying to persuede them into talking him around, she follows him around, has hacked into his email account and is just making things miserable for everybody. He is the most loving and gentle man and was really a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time for him. He doesnt deserve to be treated this way and I feel so helpless.

Reply to Lola

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