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Question
Posted by: Ben | 2010/11/03

Boyfriend doesn''t like receiving oral sex

I am 24 years old, gay and in a relationship with a 28 year old guy. We''ve been going out for six months now, and we get on very well with one another and are compatible in most ways. My problem is that he doesn''t like oral sex performed on him. I find this very frustrating as this is an important part of sex for me. I''ve asked him why he doesn''t like it and he only ever answers vaguely like " I just don''t"  or something similar. I find it very unusual as although I''ve slept with a few men who don''t like to perform it, they all have enjoyed receiving it. I''ve never even heard of any men who don''t like receiving it, and when I''ve searched the internet regarding it - nothing comes up. He has no problem performing oral on me (although never for quite as long as I''d like), so I doubt he''s grossed out by it. He has no problems with errection/ejaculation/etc. He''s uncircumcised and has no problem with his foreskin or anything like that. The only thing I could think of is that maybe because he''s quite well endowed (about 9 inches long and pretty thick when erect) oral is uncomfortable because it''s more likely to touch my teeth?? He once said he didn''t like oral " because it hurts" , but he''s never said it again since. I think he was talking generally though, as I''ve never really had a chance to perform oral sex on him except very briefly when we first started going out. I''m pretty sure it''s not me, as I''ve been told several times in the past by ex''s that I''m good at it. I just find it very frustrating that I can''t please him in that way and I also miss doing it as it''s a turn on for me. I have the feeling that it''s not the physical sensation he doesn''t like, but rather something else - possibly psychological? I was thinking I should ask him to let me do it anyway, but I have done in the past, and although he let me, I didn''t feel comfortable doing it because he seemed reluctant. Another thing I find confusing, is that if I haven''t been able to have anal sex for whatever reason, he''ll ask if he can masturbate over my face/into my mouth, which I like, so I let him. When he comes while/after doing this, he''ll put his penis in my mouth. He''ll also do this if I ask him to - but he won''t let me use my mouth on him till after he comes. So surely that means he can''t find oral uncomfortable/gross??? It''s really confusing. He''s strictly the active partner in regards to anal sex (but this suits me as I prefer to be bottom anyway) - not sure if that''s relevant, just thought I should give as much info as possible to help with any answers you might have.

Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

sometimes there might be nothing wrong. rather, he may just have certain preferences, likes and desires. i believe that he has expressed in numerous ways that he does not like oral sex. as such, you just need to respect his wishes. besides for the oral sex issue, both of you are in a relationship that exudes sexual health, satisfaction and respect for both parties. therfore, my advice is to not let one small issue stand between an otherwise healthy and satisfying relationship.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Oom Piet | 2010/11/15

Gary the fairy thinks he''s scary. The only thing scary is his mums pu$$y coz its so hairy!

Reply to Oom Piet
Posted by: Gary | 2010/11/05

Oh my, now Joe proclaims himself a Christian, yet, he has NO problem referring gay people to visit vets for medical attention. What a Christian thing to do...

Nowhere is it said that this is a " straight"  forum, it is a sex forum, and like it or not all you homophobes out there, gays and lesbians have sex too.

To Boerseun, how do you know you are not gay, have ou ever tasted a man? I guess not

To oom Piet. I hope you choke in your vomit. Because your lack of tollerance is the only sickening thing here

I am shocked that the Health24 admin tollerates such blatant abuse. I gues the rules of the forum is just there to look pretty. I agree, let''s all register, so that abusers can be traced.

Reply to Gary
Posted by: Ben | 2010/11/04

Thanks for the helpful comments. Apologies to the people who were offended by my question, but like some people have already said, no one forced you to read it - especially since I clarified that I''m gay at the very beginning of my question. I''d also like to point out that both of us were not sexually abused as children as someone suggested - that''s a pretty old fashioned way of thinking. My family and friends accept me as a person based on my personality - my sexual orientation doesn''t really come into it as it doesn''t directly affect them. I''ve never forced my views or sexual orientation onto anyone, and I respect other people''s opinions.
It was quite funny the way my question started a little religious debate though...

Reply to Ben
Posted by: A man | 2010/11/04

I agree with Lego, there must be some way to stop the idiots abusing this site the way they do.

Reply to A man
Posted by: Woman | 2010/11/04

Now that''s a brilliant idea, Lego,I hope that the admins take note!

Samantha- agreed!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Lego | 2010/11/04

I think it is time they set up a registration service on these forums, so that the idiots can be blocked from the site!

Reply to Lego
Posted by: Samantha | 2010/11/04

This is not the " Religion"  forum.
It saddens me to see how people can make such hurtful and nasty comments on this site (and then still want to call themselves Christians).

I pity people who are so terribly small minded and who feel it is okay to make these comments.

Best of Luck to you ALL!

Reply to Samantha
Posted by: . . | 2010/11/04

in retrospect maybe a bj isnt such a good idea maybe it really is that bad, seeing as we dont know what God will do to us, based on what he did to his son, who certainly wasnt a cck sucker, pretty much Mr perfection himself got murdered by his own people (as part of the plan of salvation) so he died a terrible death and the joos have to live with dieicide for thousands of years... if we get caught with a cck in our mouths on judgement day its not going to be pretty for us.

Joe why the fcuk did you raise religion i cant stop thinking about this now and i want a blow job aswell now.....grrrr

Reply to . .
Posted by: . | 2010/11/04

Well is God christian? he killed his own son, let him hang on a cross and bleed to death the bread of life itself while the people he was sent to save laughed at him dieing.

Thats the story as it goes and thats what God did, so a little -|- between friends cant be that -|- ing bad, right?!

Reply to .
Posted by: joe | 2010/11/04

I''m a christian too, you know but some of the opinions expressed her are damn straight sinful......

Reply to joe
Posted by: a man | 2010/11/04

Well said as always Woman, this site is for all, not just for those that consider themselves straight. The response by some to this question is pathetic, they need to grow up and realize there are people of all sexual orientations that use this site and need assistance. They are in NO position to judge others for the sexual choices.

Reply to a man
Posted by: Woman | 2010/11/04

Very interesting how many of you people think that the sexologist can only sort out your problems if you''re straight, if you''re married, if it has nothing to do with anal sex... take your pick.

Sexual health is for everyone,people, you don''t have rights to the questions asked on this site. Remember,no matter who yo uare, there is something in your sex life that is so dark and so seedy that someone will think you''re a deviant.

Unless you''re perfect, please don''t judge. YOU choose to read the question,your opinion on the person who wrote it, is your problem,nobody else''s. Deal with your own shite, it''s yours,not Ben''s.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: ............ | 2010/11/04

wrong place your co cksucker!!pi sss off!!!

Reply to ............
Posted by: Samantha | 2010/11/04

Hi Ben,

I have never met a guy who doesn''t like oral sex performed on him. My guess is like you said, that it is something psychological.
Maybe having oral sex performed on him brings up past memories that he does not feel comfortable with.

I don''t want to generalise, but out of the 3 gay friends that I have, 2 of them where sexually abused by men when they were boys. Is it possible that this is the case with your boyfriend?

Be patient, gain his trust and maybe he will explain he''s feelings to you a bit better?

Best of Luck

Reply to Samantha
Posted by: Oom Piet | 2010/11/04

Dear Ben, or Bennisa (which ever u prefer ), kindly note that there is a ''gay/lesbian forum under the Health link on News24.
Maybe the readers over there will be more receptive to your letter and offer relevant advice. Thank you for spoiling my breakfast though, much appreciated!

Reply to Oom Piet
Posted by: Woman | 2010/11/04

Ben - sex is sex, whether gay or straight. Everybody has something that they don''t like. And if you love your partner you should respect his right to say no. It doesn''t mean he doesn''t love you and he doesn''t want to make love with you, it just means he doesn''t like a sexual position.

In the bigger scheme of things, does it really make a difference to your life together? If I were you, I''d treat his preferences with respect and not force the issue. Placing pressure on him, might drive him away as he might feel judged or not " good enough"  for you.

Loving someone means accepting the other person as they are, not as you wish them to be.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: MO3 | 2010/11/04

Ben, he is perhaps not gay??? Just ahving a quick look at your letter.... It seemd he is doesnt seem to want to engage in " gay sex" 

Good luck!

Reply to MO3
Posted by: Boerseun | 2010/11/04

This must be the most sickening letter I''ve ever read. Get a life Boet! Have you ever tasted a woman? Guess not!

Reply to Boerseun
Posted by: sexologist | 2010/11/04

sometimes there might be nothing wrong. rather, he may just have certain preferences, likes and desires. i believe that he has expressed in numerous ways that he does not like oral sex. as such, you just need to respect his wishes. besides for the oral sex issue, both of you are in a relationship that exudes sexual health, satisfaction and respect for both parties. therfore, my advice is to not let one small issue stand between an otherwise healthy and satisfying relationship.

Reply to sexologist

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