Our expert says:
It must be difficult for you as it is normal to want physical intimacy with you love.
You have mentioned that when you do have sex you feel that he ejaculates very quickly. It is important to point out that the average time that it takes a man to ejaculate is 2 minutes and a woman usually takes 13 minutes to reach orgasm.
It is common for couples to try to match their sexual response as far as possible. The time taken until ejaculation (coming) may be more or less difficult depending on circumstances (e.g. how arousing the sex is, how long since last sex, your partner's sexual response).
Sometimes a woman can become aroused and reach orgasm quicker than this, in which case some women prefer the man to come relatively soon thereafter as their natural lubricant will dry up and sex can become uncomfortable. Unfortunately, however, the female response often takes much longer than the male's response, so ideally he needs to learn to control/delay his ejaculation he is to help her reach her orgasm through penetrative sex.
I am wondering whether his hesitancy to initiate being intimate has something to do with this. It may be useful to discuss this with him in a sensitive manner. The best way to learn this would be through masturbation where he learns to identify his physical signs (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in his testicles, heart rate) that he needs to ease off before ejaculation is inevitable.
One way to help with this would be to try scoring his arousal on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. He must aim to practice his slowing techniques when he reaches about 6/10.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
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