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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/12/02

Boundaries

I have been married for 3 months now, my husband has a son from a previous relationship. What bugs me is the childs mother, she refuses to do anything for herself. If she needs a light blub changed, she calls him, if she needs milk, she will ask him to get her some when he drops off their son, if she needs her DVD player collected from the store, she will call him. Last week she locked herself out of her house, who did she call? You guessed it my husband, if he had keys and could open for her then by all means go.

Am I being petty, I just feel like she is being needy because she wants to prove what her title as "  baby mama"  can do.

Is my need for boundaries ridiculous and petty or is it valid. Half the time I feel like I am losing my mind because I feel like maybe I am petty for wanting these boundaries.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds tactical on the part of the ex - maybe mariage counselling would most efficiently help you and your husband to form a sensible joint policy for dealing with her inappropriate behaviours. Can she not drive or truly not do any of these things herself ? Has she no family and no other friends ?
You are not being petty ; your husband is being too sympathetic and to patient in allowing this manipulation to continue. Discuss this clearly, calmly and frankly with your husband. And do NOT have a baby as someone suggested - that is NEVER EVER a solution to any problem.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/12/04

Sounds tactical on the part of the ex - maybe mariage counselling would most efficiently help you and your husband to form a sensible joint policy for dealing with her inappropriate behaviours. Can she not drive or truly not do any of these things herself ? Has she no family and no other friends ?
You are not being petty ; your husband is being too sympathetic and to patient in allowing this manipulation to continue. Discuss this clearly, calmly and frankly with your husband. And do NOT have a baby as someone suggested - that is NEVER EVER a solution to any problem.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Solution | 2010/12/02

Have a baby.

Reply to Solution
Posted by: 88 | 2010/12/02

If you accepted this before you were married why would you expect things to be different now?Your husband probably has no idea he is upsetting you.Talk to him............this should have been addressed much earlier.

Reply to 88
Posted by: just saying! | 2010/12/02

Your husband needs to know his place and you need to put a stop to this , she is using the child to get between you two.
Aikona , give her the yellow pages or she must get her own man to do stuff for her and why is you hubbie allowing this or does he have feelings for her?
You are far from petty, he only needs to get involve with her when it is something regarding the child..
She will use these little incidents to put nonsense in your head, tel your husband he must choose, because you are not going to entertain their love hate relationship then you will see how quick he changes his mind.. DONT ALLOW THIS EVER OR BETTER GO WITH WHEN HE HELPS HER , SHE WILL SOON FOUND SOMEONE ELSE TO HELP HER!

Reply to just saying!
Posted by: just saying! | 2010/12/02

Your husband needs to know his place and you need to put a stop to this , she is using the child to get between you two.
Aikona , give her the yellow pages or she must get her own man to do stuff for her and why is you hubbie allowing this or does he have feelings for her?
You are far from petty, he only needs to get involve with her when it is something regarding the child..
She will use these little incidents to put nonsense in your head, tel your husband he must choose, because you are not going to entertain their love hate relationship then you will see how quick he changes his mind.. DONT ALLOW THIS EVER OR BETTER GO WITH WHEN HE HELPS HER , SHE WILL SOON FOUND SOMEONE ELSE TO HELP HER!

Reply to just saying!

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