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Question
Posted by: lo | 2008/10/13

Bossy Colegue

I have a collegue who always undermines/criticise what ever I say-during brake/lunch time,she criticises everything i say when we chat with others-she always makes sure that she picks up on me and that i feel less value,i do not know that is it because she is better than me financilly,she has car,house etc and a rich husband,she once said that I will not be able to drive a car of my own, as i look like am a very impatient person and always panic in what ever i do,she is actually a bulll on only to me,this makes me feel like she is discouraging me in what ever i say and undermining me,i have never said anything to her about all her comments- am even beginning to hate her, it' s haunting me when am alone,its almost like she is jeolosy of me and tries by all means to let me feel less important than her or the others,she just attacks me somedays for small things-she will do these comments in front of other people so that she looks great.she wants me to feel worthless and always blame all the decisions i do about my life-like (why did i marry someone who doesn not have money)i have also picked up that she thinks am jealosy of her and that I may be even a witch,she undermines my background the fact that I am from the rurul areas-gives her the impression that we all witches in my village including my family.how do i handle this before it gets out of hand?your advice will be much appreciated.

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Our expert says:
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She is indeed a bully, and someone everyone with sense should avoid, and ignore. Maybe you should try, when next she embarrasses you in this way in front of others, to call her bluff, and say calmly and clearly " you know, I keep wondering why you are such a bully, and why you take every opportunity to belittle me and try to make me look and feel bad.
And then spend your breaks with a better set of people, or on your own, either of which would be better than spending time with a malicious person like her

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: SL | 2008/10/14

My dear you need to confront her privately, just the two of you and tell her exactly what is your problem and ask her why is she making your life miserable, and you don’ t have to go with her during lunch just mix yourself with people that can add value to you and will appreciate you.

Reply to SL
Posted by: SR | 2008/10/14

The best way to handle a bully is to go up to them and punch them in the nose

No not physically in the nose ..... Just look her straight in the eye and with a very calm but determined look on your face showing that you are angry and say " Just back off" 

If she persists then she will be digging a hole for herself and you can always refer back to " Didnt I tell you to back off"  and take it further from there.

You need to get your confidence back and you do this by focussing on your own space, your own work and avoid distractions. Keep a low profile, learn to relax, be calm and go about your own business. Ignore her .... if she invades your space .... remember to inform her in a nice way to " Back off" 

She will leave you alone .... if not then note all the things she does after you have told her to back off and escalate it to her and if she does not comply then her boss

Reply to SR

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