Our expert says:
Whatever he did ( and of course it's important to discover the truth, rather than relying only on "feelings" , suspicions and rumours ) the important thing is for you to decide what's best for you in regard to the marriage, and to free yourself from the sort of bitterness than ties you into misery rather than finding satisfaction for yourself.
I don't quire understand - did your sister tell you 24 years ago that they had recently had an affair ? Or has she just told you of a 24-year-old affair ?
If he has recently had an injury which prevents him from getting an erection ( that's possible, but not common, and other causes of erectile dysfunction can be treated ) he may be feeling unsure of himself as a man, and may have turned to porn as a substitute for being actually able to do much himself in the real world.
The central issue, though, is what is best for you and your happiness, and seeing a personal counsellor may help you work this out. I don't think you should worry abou disappointing your adult kids, who surely want what is best for you, and who gain nothing by you remaining in an unhappy marriage. Don't be so worried about upsetting others, and think of reducing the upset you yourself feel.
There certainly are men in the world who don't cheat, just as there are women who cheat. ( and of course most of the men who cheat, do so with women )
Maybe the best first step would be to try to persuade him to join you in joint mariage counselling, to see what can be achieved. If he refuses, then individual counseling for you would be the next best step.
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