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Question
Posted by: Wife | 2010/03/15

bitter

Hi, My husband left me 3 year ago, sais he doesnt love me, in-love with someone else. He came back after a week. I have forgiven him for this, but I fee alot of resentment and anger. It is making me into a bad person. He says that i look at people with hate in my eyes. I feel very angry, i also feel that people look down on me and think i am an idiot i.e. my self esteem is very low. But my main problem is that I am turning in a bad person, i started swearing, being rude to people...i basically lash out at everything i can. It also makes me sad to see other people so happy.I have been to councellors and marriage councellors, it gets better and sometimes i have my bad days. But i just feel angry, lots of anger. I have thought about leaving my husband, so that i can leave all the hurt behind and not have to deal with it any longer. I just want a fresh start, so that i can start my life with a fresh perspective and not have this rottenous in my life. I am turning out to be a terrible person. I am pushing people away.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Do see a personal counsellor to help you deal better with the disappointments and resentments that seem to beset you. You seem to have allowed back the guy who upset you, but to have become angry with everyone else, who actually had nothing to do with what upset you.
I'd think CBT counselling, focussing specifically on this nappropriate anger, would be a good start - other counsellors can be too wispy and non-specific to have lasting benefits.
And remmber, it's not that you are, or are becoming, a terrible person, but that you're a person who too often behaves terribly - behaviour is easier to change, with the right sort of help

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Pat | 2010/03/15

There is a book I once read called the four agreements. One of the things they say in the book is that we must not take things personnaly. People say and do things because of their own issues, insecurities, etc. Therefore when something happens, let it go, and don''t take it personnaly. As a example, the people you hvae hurt may think it''s because tehy did something wrong, whereas you know that you just lashed out. So with your husband, what he did by leaving you and coming back is a reflection of his state of mind, not yours. Let him feel bad, etc, do not take it on yourself. Don''t take it personnaly. Let it go. You''ll feel much lighter....

Reply to Pat
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/15

Do see a personal counsellor to help you deal better with the disappointments and resentments that seem to beset you. You seem to have allowed back the guy who upset you, but to have become angry with everyone else, who actually had nothing to do with what upset you.
I'd think CBT counselling, focussing specifically on this nappropriate anger, would be a good start - other counsellors can be too wispy and non-specific to have lasting benefits.
And remmber, it's not that you are, or are becoming, a terrible person, but that you're a person who too often behaves terribly - behaviour is easier to change, with the right sort of help

Reply to cybershrink

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