Our expert says:
I understand, from professional and personal experience, the major effort of caring for a dementing loved one. Its hard, though, to understand why your daughter should be so unpleasantly critical of you, especially about such trivial and unreasonable issues. It's YOUR home - why does she feel its any of her business how you choose to arrange YOUR furniture in YOUR home ? Her food fussiness sounds far more neurotic than based on any true allergies or intolerance.
As Liza says, it sounds very much as though all this arises from her personal unhappiness, and her preference for finding ways to blame anyone else for her being a troubled person, rather than arising from anything wrong on your side. SHE is the problem, and not you.
Outstanding responses from other readers, sadly revealing that such cruel and selfish children are more common that we'd like to think.
It would be fair to calmly point out that she is super-critica, in unreasonable ways, whenever she visits, and ask her if she can help you to understand why this is. And I like Maria's suggestion that you openly but pleasantly invite your grandchildren to visit when it suits them, and not necessarily with their mother.
If she would feel hurt by that, this points all the more stringly to pathology within her. And if they would allow this bitter women to decide ANYTHING they do, such as visit you, that is very sad indeed. She sounds unwholesomely manipulative. Your range of activities and wholesomeness puts her to chame, and maybe she perceives this, and this may lie behind her ugly behaviour
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