Our expert says:
There can be differences between who ( in terms of person or gender or characteristics ) we enjoy being with as a pal, who we prefer being in bed with, who attracts us sexually, in reality or in fantasy. Someone who is significantly anxious about aspects of their sexuality or whatever they're doing with their partner, may be distracted while participating in whatever acts are occurring. And as you seem to illustrate, the person we feel abiding sexual attraction for, may not be the same as the person one feels love for.
Ultimately, if you are indeed planning or intending marriage, a partner really needs to know about your basic sexual preferences, behaviours and attitudes. But at this stage, it doesn't sound as though you're truly sure within yourself, Maybe a spot of personal counselling would help you to clarify, for yourself, who you are and what you want in life. Then it would be appropriate to share those conclusions with this woman you say you love, and maybe even consider some couples counselling to enable both of you to make better informed decisions
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