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Question
Posted by: Jake | 2011/07/19

Bisexuality

I have to say, while reading post 687 I could really identify with the writer, to such an extent that, it felt like his words could have so easily been my own. I am one year younger than him (28) and have been haunted, or intrigued, by the same issues. Like him, I also find the odd sexual (but no penetration) encounter with other guys exiting, but am not interested in having an emotional relationship with one. I am not gay. I long for a relationship with a girl and I''d like to have kids, but at the same time, I have this physical attraction to guys that would just never go away. At first I only liked girls, even had a girlfriend. But at the age of 14 I started noticing that I would become aroused thinking of cute boys at my school and seeing them naked in gym class. I now think of myself as being bisexual. It is funny how we always find the need to label ourselves in some way, so keen to know where we fit in. I clearly remember the day I first found out about the term bisexuality. I was so excited, finally, after all these years of being totally confused, I knew where I belonged. I had found my label. I have now accepted my tendencies, although many people would not be so understanding about the matter. I have accepted that I am who I am, and that I cannot change it. I don''t want to either. Because one knows how such a matter could complicate a relationship, I find myself refraining from getting involved emotionally. It is an interesting subject. We can''t have our bread buttered on both sides but, at the same time, you''ll never be satisfied with an exclusively gay, or exclusively heterosexual relationship. I have a feeling that a lot of guys get married with the hope that the " problem"  would go away. It seems that it seldom does. I myself found that, during my (two) relationships with girls as a young adult, that I did forget about my man to man fantasies, for a while at least. As soon as the " new girlfriend"  buzz wore off, I found my mind wandering again. So what is a guy to do? Do we not marry? The idea of growing old alone really does not appeal to me, but at the same time a divorce later in life, and losing the kids because the wife found out you performed cunnilingus on the neighbour (or his son) is even less of an option. Like I said, it''s an interesting subject this one, one that there does not seem to be an easy answer for.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I find I often need to remind people that sexuality isn't a black or white issue, and people are not totally heterosexual or totally homosexual. perhaps those who are around 50/50 could be called bisexual, but most of us are somewhere between the two extremes.
Marriage, as you observe, isn't a cure. especially not for something that really doesn't need curing.
He who insists on havin his bread buttered on both sides, tends to get buttery fingers.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: K | 2011/07/21

its not the preferences that are the issue, or your likes and dislikes....it is that your partner is assuming she is getting into a monogamous committed relationship under false pretences.

do not get married if you are not able to practice monogamy!

stay single and date people who are happy with your bisexual tendencies

Reply to K
Posted by: Mike | 2011/07/20

Hi!

I''m the guy who wrote post 687.

I really wish that the majority of people would understand that no-one is 100% heterosexual/homosexual/bisexual and be comfortable &  tolerant with it. Life is so short and so very precious, it''s such a pity that many people have to be afraid about expressing their nature. Maybe one day our society will evolve into one similar to the world of the ancient Greeks where sexuality and sexual preferences didn''t seem to be such an issue.

Reply to Mike
Posted by: L | 2011/07/20

sorry, don''t agree.....vaginas are prettier than the male appendage. We all differ in what we like.

Reply to L
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/20

I find I often need to remind people that sexuality isn't a black or white issue, and people are not totally heterosexual or totally homosexual. perhaps those who are around 50/50 could be called bisexual, but most of us are somewhere between the two extremes.
Marriage, as you observe, isn't a cure. especially not for something that really doesn't need curing.
He who insists on havin his bread buttered on both sides, tends to get buttery fingers.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: True | 2011/07/19

I''m not bisexual, but I''m starting to think maybe that''s why we are starting to see couples of three people these days. Maybe the solution would be to go that route maybe? There must be other people out there who feel the same needs as you and are wondering if they should be with men or women. Of course, when you''re three there are other questions that arise. For example, do you spend time one on one or the three of you together? Would you be jealous of the moments one partner spends with the other without you? And how does one person break up with one partner but not the other?

I do think bisexuality must be complicated. But the worst you can do is marry a woman and have kids with her without ever telling her. If you ever cheat with a man, I can imagine it won''t hurt as much as cheating with a woman (at least from my female, heterosexual point of view), but she will feel betrayed the same. Worse would be if you were simply gay - that is really terrible because a woman suddenly discovers her partner isn''t attracted to her. But when you''re bissexual, I guess the woman will still know you felt attracted to her, only not just attracted to her. My advice is: be honest beforehand. As the Cybershrink once said, no one is 100% heterossexual, so some women might be a bit closer to bissexuality than others and these might understand you better and want to be in a relationship with you nevertheless. Some might even accept that you have sexual encounters with male friends.

That said, I''m not a man but personally I think it''s undeniable that a penis is visually more attractive than a vagina. Isn''t it possible that the majority of men find a penis sexy, even if they aren''t emotionally attracted to men? Maybe you''re not bisexual, maybe you just find it sexy to look at or even touch.

Today''s world tries to categorise us a lot, so much that we end up thinking we belong here or there, when it doesn''t have to be so. Maybe they will come up with another name for people who are sexually attracted to men, women and trees. So some people will start thinking about it and will think " WHAT IF I am dendrobisexual?"  Then, after thinking about it for many months, they will say " MAYBE I am dendrobisexual"  and then, a few years later, they conclude they ARE dendrobisexual. But are they really? Or did they convince themselves of something that isn''t necessarily true? Maybe that''s the same with bisexuality or sexuality in general. I don''t know if there are any studies about children who grow up with gay parents, lesbians or bisexual parents. What sexuality are those children? Does their upbringing influence it?

Reply to True

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