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Question
Posted by: Sanet | 2012/08/18

Bipolar and too much pressure

Hi, I''m back at work now for 6 weeks, after being off for an episode for a month. I was forced to have myself admitted and get treatment - this by my boss. I thought she cared about me and my wellbeing, seeing that she made all the arrangements to have my most important work done, and phoned my sister to intervene. In the first month she checked every now and then how I was doing. On my return 13 clients have not been attended to on one project, my most difficult project was handled by a contractor, and when I had to take over again he had the audacity to say to me he had to catch up on my backlog, it was not the case (I pointed that out to him firmly), when I was booked off my visit at the client was booked within 10 days of any action on site. In my abscence he scheduled the same dates a I did, thus he could not have had a backlog. But, the site overperformed, and at the moment has 30% of work that needs to be audited (30% of the whole country which is 12 sites/clients) I have the client with the most work. He never did follow up after he ''cleared up'' my apparent backlog. He did not use his head just to check how much work there is and if he might need to stay up to date. He reviewed 5 files, and it took him 3 weeks, On my return there was 11 more files. Review takes 6 hours per file. Now I have to catch up on HIS backlog, auditing every second week for 3 days at a time, at one site alone. In the meantime my other 13 sites have not been attended to, and I have been on site for4-5 days a week. Plus I got a new client, which is 500km drive from my house, so a whole day is taken up by travelling. I''m sure you can see that I''m being overloaded. Because I am very proud of my work, and get good feedback from my clients I work hard to keep everyone happy, including my boss. I have not deviated from the timelines at all, as always my reports are submitted in less than 5 days, and the timeline is 7 WORKING days. Just on the most demanding site I actually took 7 days. Because it was new to me. I have had 4 days away this week, 4 days next week, 5 days the following week and 3 days the week thereafter. Resulting in 17 reports (some are auditing plus closure - requiring 2 trip reports. My biggest problem is not the reports, I will happily work over the weekend. But part of managing my anxiety levels I need to rest in the evenings and give attention to the dogs. I refuse to stay in the office after 4pm (not allowed after 6pm anyway), unless I have a meeting scheduled. when I''m travelling I only get home after 9pm, then I can''t wind down, my Seroquel takes 2 hours to make me sleepy and I end up exhausted the rest of the week. Because I also had to get up at 3am to catch a flight. This is just background. My most irritating problem is that our server crashed, leaving me stranded for 4 days and the 5th day it was repaired my printer needed to be reinstalled. I would have had 4 days to prepare for all these visits, but I''ve lost it. So, I had to prepare on Monday this week. And same as Friday when the printer actually worked - my printjobs get lost. I know where the problem is, I work with unorganized colleagues, who grab everything off the printer and go and punch holes in it and files it in their clients files. Or my work just gets dumped ANYWHERE in the printing room. I even resorted to printing 10 copies of each document needed! It didn''t work. The visits are not my problem, I enjoy it. But only when I am prepared. I went to 2 visits, not fully prepared and now I have to courier them files with the documents that was needed for the visit. That will cost R2000 because one is a remote site. My manager decided to ignore my requests to work over the weekend, even though I think I motivated well for it. She said on Thursday even though she is sick I can contact her for emergencies. She never responded to my mail, and I''m left stranded for the weekend. Whenever the office is unlocked outside business hours the alarm company calls the office and then her and send a guard. So, even if I go in at 7am, which she said she arranged I spend 30 minutes dealing with ADT. I would prefer to start work at 5am. And work over the weekend (only one day). Is she concerned that I will be overworked? Surely she must realise that this amount of work will require overtime, for which I''m not paid anyway. I am more stressed about preparing on Monday for 9 consecutive visits, and another 3 the following week. My psychologsit said I must phone her, even though she is sick and explain my problem. I didn''t because I don''t want to be inconsiderate. She read my email, but ignored it. Now, its Friday, and I have a mountain of printing to do and I have to stress until Monday. I even bought a cartridge for my own printer, but it keeps on giving error messages, so I can''t print at home. I want to adress this issue with her on Monday, explaining how unsupported I feel, and to get her to create a system in the printing room whereby you can''t grab anyones stuff. My colleagues think its a joke that I am so upset about the printer, but I don''t take their stuff, so they are sorted. I don''t have the authority to call a meeting and set out rules. I was so angry last Friday because she left the office early and left me stranded without a printer. And ignored my request that I needed to come in over the weekend. I drove home in a rage,, got here, threw my workfile against the wall until I was satisfied that it is broken, then I wasn''t feeling better and broke a few plates. I felt a bit better, but the dogs were terrified. I had to take 6mg of Rivotril and I was still not calmed down. And then, Monday the same thing happened all over again. I couldnt print everything I needed, I went to a visit unprepared and felt that I''m incapable of doing my job. Do I write her a mail outlining my tasks and estimated hours? Do I discuss it with her? Or do I let the quality of my work suffer? And then end up in an episode. I''m right back where I was in June. I don''t even have time to see my doctor because all the late appointments are taken weeks in advance and have to see my psychologist in the evenings. I can''t see her for 3 weeks now, due to all the travelling. The dogs have to go to the kennels for 2 weeks, costing me a fortune and I end up making debt or have unpaid accounts. I know this pressure will be over end of September, because our contract ends end of September, but the files still need to be updated (more printing) to be sent overseas. How am I going to do the printing for 13 clients files? All the email correspondence from last year October (because I never got time again to update it), plus other docs as well. It will take me 2 hours per file, IF my stuff isn''t grabbed from the printer. I feel hopeless, out of control, The only thing I have contril over is to sabotage everyone elses print jobs, either by shredding them or deleting it from the printer until everyone is as upset as I am.I did it on Monday already. I feel like logging on in the printroom, make myself at home at the desk, and montitor every print job removed from the printer, or delete it or shred it if it doesnt belong to me. And I need to feel in control and on top of things, otherwise my bipolar get out of hand. Any advise on my ramblings? It seems like such an easy problem, just let me in over the weekend, its all I ask. O, and if I tell her its a lot of work she will tell me she go and do the visits, but its actually blackmail to let me say I''m fine. I would actually let her do it, so that she could see how much I put in, but only I can do the preparations, so it won''t work.I''m severely frustrated and irritated and I now have nothing to take for anxiety, it was my last Rivotril, because I stopped it. And why must I take drugs to help me deal with a problem that can be solved?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its hard to ne certain what one expects and wants from someone else, like a boss, in situations like this. ANd whatever is done may seem caring and appropriate, or interfering, or uncaring and remote, depending on one's expectations and point of view.
I think you reall need to discuss these issues IN DEPTH with whichever shrink has been treating you in hospital, and make more of a long-term informed decision about the benefits and risks of a complex and high-pressure job, versus the possibilities of more restful and less troubling employment. I really can't follow orm interpret the intricacies of your tasks and clients, but in dicsussion with your shrink you should be able to do so more fruitfully. especially to consider in detail how to use the recommended meds in relation to the demands of the job.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lils | 2012/08/21

Eish I love this lady''s posts lol ... she''s such a classic example of how NOT to behave in a work environment!!!

Reply to Lils
Posted by: Chris758 | 2012/08/20

Sanet, I think I know how you feel. You are most probably a internal or external auditor and not evrybody will know why you are so stressed out!!

In my family there are no fewer than 3 auditors and I listen to them talking about their workload and it is massive!!

Are you doing your articles at the moment? That is a hectic stage of the training!!! Best of luck and I hope you will and stay calm and cllective!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/08/19

RELAX LADY!!

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: dawn | 2012/08/18

Geez I''m exhausted and stressed out just reading your post. Resign and get a more manageable job. Your health is more important than work!!

Reply to dawn
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/18

Its hard to ne certain what one expects and wants from someone else, like a boss, in situations like this. ANd whatever is done may seem caring and appropriate, or interfering, or uncaring and remote, depending on one's expectations and point of view.
I think you reall need to discuss these issues IN DEPTH with whichever shrink has been treating you in hospital, and make more of a long-term informed decision about the benefits and risks of a complex and high-pressure job, versus the possibilities of more restful and less troubling employment. I really can't follow orm interpret the intricacies of your tasks and clients, but in dicsussion with your shrink you should be able to do so more fruitfully. especially to consider in detail how to use the recommended meds in relation to the demands of the job.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/18

Its hard to ne certain what one expects and wants from someone else, like a boss, in situations like this. ANd whatever is done may seem caring and appropriate, or interfering, or uncaring and remote, depending on one's expectations and point of view.
I think you reall need to discuss these issues IN DEPTH with whichever shrink has been treating you in hospital, and make more of a long-term informed decision about the benefits and risks of a complex and high-pressure job, versus the possibilities of more restful and less troubling employment. I really can't follow orm interpret the intricacies of your tasks and clients, but in dicsussion with your shrink you should be able to do so more fruitfully. especially to consider in detail how to use the recommended meds in relation to the demands of the job.

Reply to cybershrink

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