Our expert says:
Eating Disorders Expert
You have certainly faced a lifetime of challenges and you have survived them all. Without sounding patronizing, well done! Your upbringing was punctuated by repeated sexually violent and emotionally damaging experiences. This must have, undoubtedly, clouded your judgment and made it difficult to form trusting relationships. Although I do not know the details of what unfolded in your therapeutic relationship with your psychiatrist, it must be very difficult once again facing those familiar feelings of “abandonment” and “abuse”. This is especially the case where a therapeutic relationship is one in which qualities like trust, safety, honesty, and clearly defined boundaries are the hallmarks by which the relationship is defined. So, you ask why you are bingeing. Yes, it is likely you are metaphorically attempting to fill an empty emotional space with food that food will never replenish or fulfill. You must understand that food is a source of physical nourishment and should consciously fulfill that role and not be used to meet unmet emotional needs. If you understand the basics of good nutrition, keep to a well-balanced and moderated diet through the day. If you are not sure, visit a registered dietician for some guidelines. In your current therapy, try to explore the ways in which you are using food to camouflage you from your emotional distress. You have experienced much distress recently and this has, no doubt, reflected the relationship and emotional distress that you experienced for many years in your youth. As such, you are facing an accumulation of pain right now, so you need to try and face this in an as healthy and honest way as possible. You might want to consider remaining in regular contact with a dietician while seeing your current therapist, just so that you have someone assisting you in assuring that you are eating well while you are facing all your emotional demons. I hope that helps.
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