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Question
Posted by: Bride to be | 2011/06/06

BIG STEP

I''m engaged and plans to get married end October. My fiancee stay in another town about 200 km from here. He visits me every weekend and most times also come through on Wednesdays to see me. I''ve got a good job and he hasn''t put any pressure on me to give up my job and move to him after we got married. I have now decided to give up my job and move to him after the marriage, as our company are in the process of being bought by another company. We miss each other a lot when we''re not together. I am 52 and he is 55. I will look for a job there, which will possibly result in a drop in salary. I know I can''t start over at my age if things don''t wotk out. What do I need to put in place to protect myself if things don''t work out? I know it''s a big step but we do love each other and get along very well. Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Obviously you will want to be sure of what will happen if and when your company is bought out by the other, and not to resign or declare your intention of resigning, too soon - its possible they might down-size and offer redundancy payments much better than you'd get by simply resigning.
It makes sense to me that, as a more experienced older person, you'd want to think thouh what mnight happen if the marriage didn't work out - these things hapen, and one doesn't want to be caught totally unawares.
It does sound as though yo need far more discussion between you, if, for instance, you don't know where you will both live after the wedding, and whether indeed he might be thinking of moing to where you stay - maybe the job market or situation is different for him or for you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011/06/07

ps. Do you never go to his place for a weekend? Please do go, because if you are going to move in with him you need to know that he will happily " make space"  for you and allow you to change things in his house. Do not take this for granted!

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2011/06/07

It''s really unusual to plan a wedding without discussing living arrangement afterwards, especially if the two partners live 200km apart! Why don''t you just ask him how he sees things working after you get married... the answer might be very enlightening and give you an idea of what your way forward should be. If you cannot have an open and honest discussion about this, and about your fears and need for security, then you shouldn''t be getting married.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/07

If he has not mentioned you moving in with him after the wedding, wich is very strange by the way, maybe he was going togive up his job and move in with you?
Mot much you can do to" protect yourself as he has not demanded anything from you.
At your age I would not advise giving up a job, rather a wedding.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/07

Obviously you will want to be sure of what will happen if and when your company is bought out by the other, and not to resign or declare your intention of resigning, too soon - its possible they might down-size and offer redundancy payments much better than you'd get by simply resigning.
It makes sense to me that, as a more experienced older person, you'd want to think thouh what mnight happen if the marriage didn't work out - these things hapen, and one doesn't want to be caught totally unawares.
It does sound as though yo need far more discussion between you, if, for instance, you don't know where you will both live after the wedding, and whether indeed he might be thinking of moing to where you stay - maybe the job market or situation is different for him or for you.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Truth | 2011/06/06

This is strange - he has not put any pressure on you to live with him after the marriage? would he be okay with u if you went home after the reception?

Also should u be getting married if you are already making contigency plans if your partnership does not work out?

Wierd!!!!!!!

Reply to Truth

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