Posted by: Sam | 2009-09-09


I have been married for 15 years plus and no longer am able to maintain an erection whilst making love to my wife and months can go by without us making love. She has understandable put on some weight since we first got married but in the last two years has put on even more weight and I am not sure if that is the cause of my low desire. I have recently started finding myself very attracted to the idea of having a same sex casual relationship. Although this recent desire has become stronger, if I think back I have always had this desire to be with someone of the same sex going right back to when I was in High School. In the early part of my marriage I would also fantasize about a threesome with another man been involved. This fantasy eventually was the only way I could maintain an erection to complete love making with my wife. Does this mean that I am a closet gay? or am I bi-sexual? and what do I do with that information?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Sam your email is eloquent and the answer is probably in the question itself. You defintely need to see a counsellor to help you work through these feelings and see where they lead. It is clearely your issue and not your partner's- you habd these feelings before she put on the weight
Call the SASAH helpline to be referred to a practitioner in your own area 0860 100 262

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Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2009-09-09

Oh Sam, this is such a difficult thing to be struggling with! You must be in a lot of pain. The only words of wisdom I can give you , is to get some professional help to help you deal with this. This is such a sensitive and involved and personal issue, that a lay man (or woman) might give you the wrong advice! Please see a counsellor or a psychologist to help you sort all this out? Good luck to you!

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