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Question
Posted by: Sam | 2011/12/01

Bi polar relationship

Dear Cybershrink,

I have been involved in a relationship with a man who is cyclothemic/bipolar for 5 months. He is receiving treatment and takes meds which make him very sleepy sometimes. He told me that he was abused in previous years. We were EXTREMELY happy for 5 months ( making plans for the future etc) and then I lost my temper at something silly that he did. I apolgised immediatley and he pretended to accept my apology and three days leter called me to tell me he is breaking off the relationship as I have " "  anger management issues and need help"  Needless to say I ws dumbfounded by this and have tried to reason with him, to no avail.
He says he can never trust me again.
Is this typical behavior of people with this condition?
Is his attitude likely to reverse itself.
How do I handle this in future if it is resolved?
Can his treatment be working sucessfully if this happening to him?
We are both in our early fifties.
Please help as I really do care for him. He is the type of man I had always wished to meet....until this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people who have experienced abuse when young do have later problems in relationships ( perhaps more surprisingly, not all do ) ; and depending on the severity of a bipolar disorder, it can obviously also cause some peoblems. Usually, when a bipolar disorder is being well treated by a psychiatrist, though some useful meds may cause drowsiness in the early days one is taking them, few would make one persistently drowsy, and it'd be good for him to discuss this with his shrink if this is persisting.
It does sound as though he seriously over-reacted to the minor incident you describe ; and his persisting insistence on ending the relationship is NOT at all a recognized feature of bipolar problems.
Obviously if he remains obdurate about not engaging with you again, there's not much you can do. If he relents, as he ought to, it would be a good idea to ask him if he would think it useful for you to speak to the shrink treating him, to get guidance on how you might most help his treatment as well as to avoid such unpleasant incidents in future

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Sam | 2011/12/02

Thank you for your reply. It is great to have someone to talk to who knows these conditions and replies so quickly...THANK YOU!

He said today that the reason why he cannot meet me face to face is that he is "  scared"  that I will become physically abusive. I have NEVER physically abused anyone in my life. I never even smacked my children.

He has refused to go to couples counselling even though I offered.

I relly dont know how to counter these accusations.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Me | 2011/12/02

Sam, CS does not revisit posts so won''t see your response. Start a new thread if you want him to respond.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Sam | 2011/12/02

Thank you for your reply. It is great to have someone to talk to who knows these conditions and replies so quickly...THANK YOU!

He said today that the reason why he cannot meet me face to face is that he is "  scared"  that I will become physically abusive. I have NEVER physically abused anyone in my life. I never even smacked my children.

He has refused to go to couples counselling even though I offered.

I relly dont know how to counter these accusations.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/12/01

Some people who have experienced abuse when young do have later problems in relationships ( perhaps more surprisingly, not all do ) ; and depending on the severity of a bipolar disorder, it can obviously also cause some peoblems. Usually, when a bipolar disorder is being well treated by a psychiatrist, though some useful meds may cause drowsiness in the early days one is taking them, few would make one persistently drowsy, and it'd be good for him to discuss this with his shrink if this is persisting.
It does sound as though he seriously over-reacted to the minor incident you describe ; and his persisting insistence on ending the relationship is NOT at all a recognized feature of bipolar problems.
Obviously if he remains obdurate about not engaging with you again, there's not much you can do. If he relents, as he ought to, it would be a good idea to ask him if he would think it useful for you to speak to the shrink treating him, to get guidance on how you might most help his treatment as well as to avoid such unpleasant incidents in future

Reply to cybershrink

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