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Question
Posted by: Sad | 2011/06/15

Bf triggering anorexia

I am recovering from an eating disorder which has left me weighing more than I ever have. I discovered that my bf is on forums looking at pictures of thin, attractive, naked women and commenting on how much he''''d like to have intercourse with them. I''''ve asked him on previous occasions to stop doing this sort of thing as it really upsets me but he hasn''''t stopped. I now feel betrayed, inadequate and like I''''m slipping back into my anorexic tendencies. Please help me. I''''m falling apart.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageEating Disorders Expert

Hello Sad,
The other reader, Kasandra, has given you some very valid advice. While you must have worked extremely hard to take your self into recovery, it appears that you are recognizing the fragile way in which an eating disorder can rear it's head so easily as soon as a stressor appears. While I could elaborate on your boyfriend's concerning problem with fantasy internet pornography, it appears that you have vey little control over this preoccupation of his. You need to focus on what is most important to you here. Does this relationship essentially add value to your life and self-value, or is the relationship adding more stress and self-loathing? That might be a difficult one to answer, as you appear to have already condoned his fantasy addiction. Be very careful that your boyfriend is not inadvertently becoming a weapon by which you are allowing yourself to be hurt over and over again. If you are working hard towards your self-acceptance, be careful not to allow him to now be the destructive force your anorexia was, and appears to be possibly becoming again. I would suggest that you seek some professional assistance and see a psychologist, perhaps the one that helped you before if you received help for your eating disorder. I could possibly assist you with a referral to someone in your area if you need. Post a new question to me in that regard. I would not suggest couple therapy just yet, as I think that you need to explore whether you really want to try and rehabilitate this relationship. I have to say that it is very unlikely that your boyfriend is going to change his attitude and preference for slim woman, and you need to be very careful that you do not try and fulfill this unnecessary need of his. A relationship has to reach deeper than that. As Kasandra quite rightly said, you need to be looking more at your relationship with you here, and not preoccupying yourself with changing your troubled man. I hope this helps, and wish you strength.
Regards,
Graham

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Kasandra | 2011/06/17

Dear Sad

You have the strength within you to know what is the best for you, you boyfriend is def abusive in the sense that he breaks down your self esteem and really dont have any respect for you. You have told him how you fee and he just keeps on doing what his doing.

YOU must leave him and move forward cause you might not believe it BUT YOU do deserve better then this low life boyfriend.

You will feel lonely and you will feel alone but staying with this low life boyfriend is only going to do more damage to your already low self esteem.

LEAVE HIM.. Do if for yourself.

You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else, otherwise you will keep on picking people who drag you down rather then picking you up.

Know that you are worth it.

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: Eating Disorders and Obesity Expert | 2011/06/17

Hello Sad,
The other reader, Kasandra, has given you some very valid advice. While you must have worked extremely hard to take your self into recovery, it appears that you are recognizing the fragile way in which an eating disorder can rear it's head so easily as soon as a stressor appears. While I could elaborate on your boyfriend's concerning problem with fantasy internet pornography, it appears that you have vey little control over this preoccupation of his. You need to focus on what is most important to you here. Does this relationship essentially add value to your life and self-value, or is the relationship adding more stress and self-loathing? That might be a difficult one to answer, as you appear to have already condoned his fantasy addiction. Be very careful that your boyfriend is not inadvertently becoming a weapon by which you are allowing yourself to be hurt over and over again. If you are working hard towards your self-acceptance, be careful not to allow him to now be the destructive force your anorexia was, and appears to be possibly becoming again. I would suggest that you seek some professional assistance and see a psychologist, perhaps the one that helped you before if you received help for your eating disorder. I could possibly assist you with a referral to someone in your area if you need. Post a new question to me in that regard. I would not suggest couple therapy just yet, as I think that you need to explore whether you really want to try and rehabilitate this relationship. I have to say that it is very unlikely that your boyfriend is going to change his attitude and preference for slim woman, and you need to be very careful that you do not try and fulfill this unnecessary need of his. A relationship has to reach deeper than that. As Kasandra quite rightly said, you need to be looking more at your relationship with you here, and not preoccupying yourself with changing your troubled man. I hope this helps, and wish you strength.
Regards,
Graham

Reply to Eating Disorders and Obesity Expert

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