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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/11

bf in for the long haul?

I have been seeing this guy for a month. Every time I see him he talks about his job, buying a new car, that he needs to make more money, etc, etc. He says he wants this because he wants to treat his family to things that they will never get. He is talking about taking them overseas in December. We will be together 9 months in December, but I wasn’ t even mentioned in his plans. He talks about buying his wife a nice car and house one day –  so doesn’ t he see me as maybe I could be his wife either?? To me it doesn’ t look like he is taking our relationship seriously. I am tired of flitting from one relationship to another and need to make sure that he is in this for the long haul. How do I approach this subject with him?

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Our expert says:
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Maybe he feels he owes a great deal to his birth family, who helped to make him the success he now is ( and he talks about the signs of such sucess to re-asure himself ) ; and he wants to show his appreciation towrds them --- that'd be something admirable if he did. You perhaps see yourself as a much larger part of his life than he does at this stage. You've been a friend for 9 months, they have been vital to his life for perhaps 9, 19, or 29 years.
He has told you how much he wants to look after his future wife --- that doesn't mean you should expect those elabirate and generous gifts right now.
Do NOT "confront" him, which is an act of needless aggression which induces defence behaviours rather than something useful for you. But talk gently with him about how you feel puzzled, and rather than talking about him not rewarding you generously, talk about feeling a bit insecure and wondering how he views the long-term prospects of this relationship.
And are you concerned about the relationships and its prospects, or that you aren't receiving more material gifts and overseas trips ? If the latter, you will sound more mercenary than relationship oriented

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/11

I was also in a same situation and it ended up where I have asked him where do I confronted him about me,as he was also two sided,not wanting me to see other people yet his plans excludes me. I decided to leave and I am happy, I know Mr Right will come. I told myself I shouldnt hurry,hurry means I will attract all sorts of men that will hurt me

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/11

i think his just trying to impress you or just boosting his ego maybe his got a very low self esteem sometimes some man are intimidated by woman or are too materialistic if you not that woman tel him how this make you feel.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Hope* | 2009/05/11

Odd way for him to be talking. I would be as puzzled as yourself. perhaps he is just assuming that you will be the one that he will marry? If so he has a strange way of going about the subject. Perhaps if you could ask him exactly what his intentions are regarding yourself.

Reply to Hope*

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