advertisement
Question
Posted by: dw | 2011/10/04

bf ex has cancer

Hi. My boyfriend has twins with his ex fiance. They are 1 years old. His ex fiancé  has now been diagnosed with breast cancer and is having urgent radiation therapy. They have been joint carers for these 2 babies, but now she wants to give full custody to her mother in case she dies. Her mother is an alcoholic. They had to have invitro as my boyfriend can have children naturally and the doctor seems to think that the hormones they pumped into her, has caused the cancer. I used to also hate her, but now feel sorry for her as she has gone off the rails with this news and is blaming him for her condition. I am trying to support him and give him advice, but I see where she is coming from too, so feel a bit in the middle. How do I handle this?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You need legal advice. It's understandable that the mom of the twins would want to make arrangements for the continuing care of the twins if she eventually dies, though giving full custody to an alcoholic is probably not wise. Anyhow, I don't think she can just wish it so, there would need to be a legal proces, and the father of the kids would be able to put his point of view to the kids.
Sounds like she's handling the difficult situation badly, and needs and deserves proper counelling, which her oncologist and/or the Cancer Society should be able to provide. Of course it's not his fault that she has cancer.
What, actually, do the pair of you want ? Would he prefer to take full custody of the kids himself, and would you be happy with that ? If not, what alternative would he prefer ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Jenna | 2011/10/04

Hormones do play a part, however there are PLENTY of other causes/ risk factors- gender, age, diet, lifestyle, race, genes, breast density, lack of exercise, etc. It is... ignorant to think that the only contributing factor was the hormones, and thr doctor should know that too. I don''t know how you can see where she is coming from. Your boyfriends ex might just have the ingredients for breast cancer, and she may have gotten it whether she had the invitro or not (I know two woman who had babes via invitro years ago and nothign has happened to them). One in every Eight woman will get breast cancer in some stage of their lives, I believe and I doubt that in vitro as anything to do with it. I think maybe, for your benefit, it would be wise to do a bit of research on breast cancer to read on the causes, risk factors, treatment, etc in order to give you the knowledge you need in order to support your boyfriend fully.

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: Romany | 2011/10/04

Well said Pink.
He needs to get full custody of his 2 little ones in case the mother does die or become incapable to care for his babies.
Blood is thicker than water and you will loose this man if you do not support him 100% and honestly.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Pink | 2011/10/04

Seek legal advice over custody - to deny him custody in the event of her death because the conception process may have caused her cancer will not be acceptable in the courts.Once he has received this advice his anxiety over the custody issue will put his mind at rest. It is highly unlikely an alcoholic grandmother would be given custody.

It is worrying that you see where she is coming from! How can he be blamed for her cancer! Are you really the right person 2 support him? Does he not have someone else who can assist him through this trauma who is totally on his side?
His ex may NOT die and he deserves a life partner who is there for him always.

Reply to Pink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/04

You need legal advice. It's understandable that the mom of the twins would want to make arrangements for the continuing care of the twins if she eventually dies, though giving full custody to an alcoholic is probably not wise. Anyhow, I don't think she can just wish it so, there would need to be a legal proces, and the father of the kids would be able to put his point of view to the kids.
Sounds like she's handling the difficult situation badly, and needs and deserves proper counelling, which her oncologist and/or the Cancer Society should be able to provide. Of course it's not his fault that she has cancer.
What, actually, do the pair of you want ? Would he prefer to take full custody of the kids himself, and would you be happy with that ? If not, what alternative would he prefer ?

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement