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Question
Posted by: Worthy | 2011-06-15

Betrayal

Hello CS - I was in a 2 year relationship. The first year was amazing on every level.
Gradually things started falling apart. The following became every day complaints: my children were not active enough to his liking. I was too protective of them. I did not give him enough attention. I was not contributing enough to the household. Other things are always taking priority over him.

So I can carry on ... We fought constantly but could not come to an agreement. Then we discussed one of us moving out to see if a bit of distance from the situation will not make a positive difference. A month ago my children and I moved out as it was his house. All went so well. I actually started getting hope again. The kids and I went to visit him, had dinners with his 2 children etc. He would come over to ours for dinner and sometimes we would go away for a weekend.

Then we had a disagreement when I visited him once. He was getting verbally worked up and I decided to leave. Told me if I left I was not to come back - it will be over. I left as i felt uncomfortable and hurt. The next day I was told he changed his status on FB from being in a relationsip to being single. Removed all my photos etc.

I found out a few days ago, by absolute chance , that he has been on a dating site for the last 6 months. Meaning whilst we were still together he was trawling on a dating site. Actually met 2 women whom he phoned, sms''ed and emailed. He said they never met up. I don''t know ..

Now he is sorry. Told me he made a ''mistake''. No one compares to me. In my book mistake means: I did something wrong, admit it and immediately rectify the situation. Not making a premeditated ''mistake'' for 6 months on end and think I can get away with it!

I still love him - silly, eh? And am very heart sore over the whole situation. I''ve been through hell with all the issues we''ve had whilst living together and thought by moving out it will help the relationship just to get some distance and perspective. But I feel so betrayed knowing what I know now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh but there have been so many postings about betrayal and cheating today. And in such cold weather !
What is surprising in your story is that you chose to stay with such a selfish and miserable man. He has revealed unpleasant aspects about himself, and saying "sorry" is hardly sufficient.
Love isn't logical, but one doesn't always need to respond to it by making oneself repeatedly vulnerable to the same unpleasant person.
Why ot see a personal counsellor to work on your own needs, and leave him to work on his ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Suzan | 2011-06-16

Just get over the basterd. Your kids will always be the bastards in his eyes. Get out and stay out it is nor worth it. I know I''ve got the Tshirt dvd etc.

Reply to Suzan
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-06-15

Gosh but there have been so many postings about betrayal and cheating today. And in such cold weather !
What is surprising in your story is that you chose to stay with such a selfish and miserable man. He has revealed unpleasant aspects about himself, and saying "sorry" is hardly sufficient.
Love isn't logical, but one doesn't always need to respond to it by making oneself repeatedly vulnerable to the same unpleasant person.
Why ot see a personal counsellor to work on your own needs, and leave him to work on his ?

Reply to cybershrink

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