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Question
Posted by: Keen | 2010-02-22

Best friends

Hi doc

I would really appreciate some advice from you. I had a best friend for almost 6 years now and we''ve been through a lot together. I''m a gay guy, but he is straight and married with a child. I suffer from Bipolar disorder and he is aware of it though. I admit and I explained to him that my moods are not all it should be sometimes and he tried to understand. I just don''t know what happened, but since last year our friendship seemed to die down and despite my numerous attempts to get it going again, it didn''t seem to help.

He invited me to a dinner at his house, and that day I had a really bad day and wasn''t in the best of moods. I left earlier and told him I didn''t feel well. Well, he completely ignored me from then. I''ve sms''ed and e-mailed him numerous times to say I''m sorry and I''ve tried calling too, but he just said he didn''t want to speak to me.

I can understand if he doesn''t want to be friends, but to treat me like this after 6 years of friendship just breaks my heart. I''m hurt and at the same time I''m starting to get angry as well cause I would have forgiven him if he was in my situation. Maybe its just time to move on, but I''m struggling to let go as he was like a brother to me. He is a very religious person and I just don''t understand it...I''m literally begging for forgiveness, but I''m getting treated as if I don''t exist.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What you're describing sounds like an extreme over-reaction to a guest not feeling well at a dinner party, and politely asking to leave early. Surely there must be more going on than that ? I don't see what you have done that you'd need to beg forgiveness for. Is it possible he's going through some other crisis, all of his own, and not feeling able to communicate right now, for reasons that might not have much to do with you ? Try not to feel so hurt, and give him time to get through whatever this is.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Ruby | 2010-02-22

Personally, I would just now let this issue rest. You have asked for forgiveness (which I don''t think was necessary because you explained that evening why you left early and if he was a true friend, he would have understood) and you''ve phoned etc. Now the ball is in his hands. Let him get over his moods and issues and just be there the day he does call.

I''m sorry that things has turned out like this after 6 years, it can''t be easy for you but I think you have now done your bid.

Good luck.

Reply to Ruby
Posted by: nicki | 2010-02-22

may b his wife told him to end the relationship because may b she thought you liked each other, i would not allow my hubby to be friends with a gay guy as i would always wonder its same as him havin a female friend , not right at all. Find friends with your own interest in common rather, works better for all he prob does not know how to tell you.

Reply to nicki
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-02-22

What you're describing sounds like an extreme over-reaction to a guest not feeling well at a dinner party, and politely asking to leave early. Surely there must be more going on than that ? I don't see what you have done that you'd need to beg forgiveness for. Is it possible he's going through some other crisis, all of his own, and not feeling able to communicate right now, for reasons that might not have much to do with you ? Try not to feel so hurt, and give him time to get through whatever this is.

Reply to cybershrink

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