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Question
Posted by: Jenny | 2013-02-05

Best friend married to a bully

My friend married very young. Came from a broken home and he offered security.
She is physically beautiful and also a kind lovely person very Christian.
He controls ALL the money and berates her when she buys herself something on the credit card. She works for him no salary.
He extends the bullying to her friends he has none. I am about to tell him off. He cuts u off and says this or that can be done. His two boys 20 and 23 don''t like him. My friend has worked and could leave him and she says if he dies and she has money to live that suits her, not that she wishes him dead. He told her to get rid of her one pet as it annoys him. I think she has. She complains about his bullying and I asked her out direct if he hits her - says no but he is an emotional bully. She just prays and prays and he just bullies. They have money and from the outside it all looks peachy. He knows very well she probably would leave if she had the means. She wants to study further he says no. I know she is deeply unhappy. What does one say to her?

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Our expert says:
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Purple's answer sounds just right.
SO he is an abusive bully ; that's very sad. and especially as she was and is vulnerable, she may have difficulty seeing that she is not to blame for his bad behaviour, and in planning a safe way out of a toxic relationship. But one can't do this for her. Prayinmg is totally useless in such a situation, and indeed counterproductive, if it encourages her to sit and accept abuse and hope for a miracle which will not come.
Many abusive and otherwise unhappy relationships look peachy from the outside, which is why one should be cautious about drawing conclusions from the outside.
Maybe she should, if its accessable, consult a group like POWA shich supposedly exists to help abused women ( though unfortunately I have heard some mixed reviews of their services ) ; and maybe consult a lawyer to clarify her rights and prospects.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jenny | 2013-02-06

Yes of course she can move in with us anytime for free and we would help her any way we can.

Roco - you are so wise - one wonders why you would be looking at this forum if you have no problems and no empathy for anyone else that does. Your comment is highly unintelligent.

Reply to Jenny
Posted by: Roco | 2013-02-05

Well she wanted Security i hope she learned some lesson, " Freedom is a hard bought thing no man can give"  i never understood this back then in grt8 poetry class.

Reply to Roco
Posted by: Purple | 2013-02-05

Sometimes all you can do is be there for her to turn to if she ever does leave him. Let her know that you think he''s awful, but that she''s your friend and you''re there for her and that no matter what happens, if she does ever leave, she can come to you. But don''t say this if you wouldn''t be willing to give her somewhere to stay and help her get back on her feet.

Reply to Purple

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