Posted by: Butterfly | 2008-12-02

Best friend gets a Boyfriend

Im not too sure if Im over reacting or not - I think I am and I don' t know how to control it. My best friend and I have both been single - she started dating a guy recently and they have excelled at a rapid rate over a few weeks to now going away together this holiday. Im feeling left out and weekends are now not even shared cos i feel bad asking her to do something. im not really to date but my eyes are still open - just havent met the right guy yet. i am so happy for her - and I don' t want that to be mis interpreted as jealousy or envy - in a way I probably am - I mean he' s a great guy and they happy - but still she is my friend and I am happy.
i just dont know how to tell her i' m feeling left out - or am I just being silly?
Not so long ago we would celebrate our " freedom"  and now thats gone. Not faded - it just disappeared like that.
I feel they moving too fast - I am not a fan of pda and they frolic where ever we go. How do i calmly say that sort of behavior makes me and our other friends uncomfortable?
Your suggestions would be greatly appreciated - thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its very understandable that you have been feeling left out. Though they're surely not coldly deciding to leave you out, they have been lucky enough to find a relationship that pleases and absorbs them, and you haven't yet done so for yourself. But you're wise not to rush into dating just for the sake of dating, and for deciding to wait for the right person for you. Its understandable for you to feel some envy, too ( funny how ENVY dopesn't sound quite as bad as Jealousy ). Clearly she can no longer celebrate her ""independence" along with you, as she's now chosen not to be so independent. A calm chat saying that you're happy for her, and pleeased to see her so happy, but that some of the displays of affection fo make you and some others feel a bit embarrassed, so paybe they could tone it down a little when with friends ( and anyhow, this generally fades out when the first wave of excitement wears off ) ; and that you feel a bit left out, and would like an occasional outing with her, if that's practical for her.
You would be less vulnerable in this way if your friendship with her had not been so exclusive, if you also developed other pals and friends, which may be a good way to move, now.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Butterfly | 2008-12-03

Thanks guys - except Casey - really why do u hate> ? actually thats not a question.
as for your other answers and Cyber Shrink - thanks a lot. I do understand your response and will follow through on your suggestions. I am getting to know him too - he is in our circle of friends - i do have other friends so I won' t be lonely just my best friend moving on in that area of a personal life is strange but I will get used to it. thanks.

Reply to Butterfly
Posted by: Maria | 2008-12-03

Hey Butterfly,

That' s the way it goes. I was single for most of my life and I " lost"  friends because their priorities changed. Then I got married and " lost"  friends again because my priorities changed. Luckily though, the ones that really matter, both single and married, are still around. The best suggestion I can make is to give your friend some space, have a chat, and find yourself other things to do. It hurts, and I think that' s normal. One day you may find that your friend' s boyfriend/husband has also become a friend of yours and the situation becomes more normal, but unfortunately it doesn' t always work that way.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Casey | 2008-12-03

You are just a jealous cow, get a life!!!!!!.

Your friend is happy so get your own boyfriend!! Get a new hobby or something and stop whining! This is not a question to be posted in this forum!!!

What the hell is wrong with you?

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Jet | 2008-12-03

Hi Butterfly...

I think the signs are there hey...your friend is happy...her new boyfriend is happy...and u feel letf out....why don' t you get your own boyfriend??

Reply to Jet

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