advertisement
Question
Posted by: KK | 2012/08/21

being the step child

I''m a 31 year old female, and I don''t know why but all of a sudden I''ve started thinking how being the step child has affected me and who I am.

My mom remarried when I was about 8, she and my step dad then had my sister, we looked totally different it was obvious. She with green eyes and pretty me with brown eyes. She literally got the best I guess cause my bio dad couldn''t or should I say didn''t pay his way (we never really had a relationship, he was not intrested in me) we went to different schools, me goverment, her''s private. I''ve never really thought about it but now that I do I think how unfortunate that''s made me. My step dad obviously didn''t see why he should pay for me to have a good education. I feel angry towards my Mom these days and she has know idea about my feelings. I just thought I would get that off my chest.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The mopst useful form of treatment for these sort of worries, would be counselling, especialy of the CBT form, which is specially useful in helping us change bad habits of thought or deed. Indeed, iot is unfortunate that you may not have been treated as well as you dewerved when you were younger, but though we can't change what actually hapened then, what you are free tochange is how you choose to feel about what happened, and how you choose to allow that to continue to influence you. A counsellor could help you to set yourself free from the bad memories and bad feelings associated with your past, rather than allowing it to continue causing you needless grief

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Hayley | 2012/08/22

Hi KK, from my personal point of view (also being a step child) let me say it is WRONG what your step father did. My father remarried a woman that had two children (and he had three of his own children, myself and my two blood sisters). My dad treated my step sisters as if they were his own (they were 8 and 11 at the time my father remarried, we were 11, 13 and 15). He put them through school (all of us when to government school), he paid for them to partake in activities at the schools and church, he bought them scooters, cars, paid for them to have phones, took them on holiday, put them on his medical aid, bought them clothes, everything he did for us (and in fact, more than what he did for my older sister and I as he never bought us cars and out mother paid for most of our school fees).

Your step father was obviously just a selfish man who shouldn''t have married your mother if he couldn''t accept you as his own, and your mother was stupid for not seeing it then or now. I don''t blame the anger you have at your mother, but really what good does it do now? As doc says, this is needlessly hurting yourself. You are probably thinking, " if only I was treated like X, if only I went to a private school, I could be doing this, that, etc" . But again, what good does it do now? You are an adult, take charge of your life now and don''t let the ghosts of your past hurt you like this. My husband''s family did this to him- they sent his younger sister to all sorts of courses and university (thus she has a very well paying job now), bought her new things all the time and didn''t do any of that for him. He is now 30 and pretty much feels like a loser- don''t do that to yourself.

And F.Y.I., what is beautiful to one person isn''t beautiful to another. :) I am boring with brown eyes, brown VERY FINE hair. My younger sister has stunning green/ grey eyes, my older sister has lovely long thick hair and light hazel eyes but my husband thinks I am the most beautiful of us all. :)

Reply to Hayley
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/21

The mopst useful form of treatment for these sort of worries, would be counselling, especialy of the CBT form, which is specially useful in helping us change bad habits of thought or deed. Indeed, iot is unfortunate that you may not have been treated as well as you dewerved when you were younger, but though we can't change what actually hapened then, what you are free tochange is how you choose to feel about what happened, and how you choose to allow that to continue to influence you. A counsellor could help you to set yourself free from the bad memories and bad feelings associated with your past, rather than allowing it to continue causing you needless grief

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement