Posted by: Kelly | 2009-03-27

Being Rough...

Quick question.
I' m a girly girly right and I like my bf to be gentle and such like im this fragile doll.
But when it comes to our bedroom activities I am totally the opposite.Well I don' t know if it is me but he like to get rough and I like it.I haven' t had it before but I know I enjoy it a lot.
The thing is it makes me feel like a freak when I think about it because you just totally would not expect it.
I mean we like really get wild with the screaming and moaning and bed shaking and spanking and he would call me a whore,slut, force me to do things.Hold me tight or tie my hands up and really do it hard and make me beg him to stop.Smack me around, pulling my hair and tell me to be a good whore...
The thing is I enjoy it to an extent but im not sure if this is normal.
Then I think to myself ' does he really think im a whore or does he maybe mean it when he says it... which I know he dsnt but I still think this.

I mean we could be driving or be anywhere and he is horny he will go to a secluded place and tell me to blow him but like be rough.We could be anywhere and he' d say ' open your legs b**** or take off ur pants you f' n slut etc.. Then when its over we all normal.
This makes me really horny but is this normal?
Like i cnt imagine my friends being like this or are some ppl like this in the bedroom but just do not speak about it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Kelly,

What you describe in your post falls under the area of sexology titled "bdsm": bd = bondage & discipline, ds = domination and submission, and sm = sadism & masochism. You may find literature and websites dedicated to these aspects of human sexual expression. South Africa also has an online group which has meetings in various locations in South Africa called collarme.

Your question is too vast and detailed to answer fully here. I will offer the following. Many people discover and incorporate the types of activities and roles you have described in their sexual repertoire. What is central is that it is activities and roles to which all participants consent, which they experience as sexually and otherwise satisfying and fulfilling, that they negotiate very clear rules that empowers all participants to choose at any point to stop the sexual encounter should they at any point feel unsafe, uncomfortable or no longer desiring to engage or continue in the scene. Participants take special care with regards to issues of safety.

Successfully navigating this range of sexual expression in relationships in a sexually and personally constructive way that is experienced as enriching requires excellent communication skills in negotiating rules, scenes, safe words etc as well as the ability to communicate about the feelings and thoughts that have been raised by this range of sexual expression in ways that resolve them both personally for the individuals involved and for the relationships involved and impacted by the experiences.

So is this normal, yes as long as it meets the description above. If a person's sexual expression becomes exclusively fixated on only being able to be expressed in a certain way and that it also leaves them feeling somehow diminished, demeaned, depressed, shamed etc then I suggest they see a sex therapist who specialises in the field of alternative sexual life styles. The issue is not about the type of sexual activity but about it being fixated and how the person is impacted by it.

I hope this helps.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Untamed | 2009-03-28

Gal ts up to you how u feel about the whole thing.Every couple have their own bedroom politics and if you enjoy it gal there' s nothing to worry about k.U must be sure if it is what u want and most guys live in fantasies when it comes to sex so it is better to find out if his behaviour is his fantasy or Dominance anyway Good Luckwith your man


Reply to Untamed
Posted by: Sex Pot | 2009-03-28

Hi Kelly  this bf of yours is sick, he' s bad news. If U stay in this relationship he will abuse U big time. He' s already abusing U. Get rid of him quickly.

Reply to Sex Pot
Posted by: Poppie | 2009-03-28

Om rof te wees met sex is 1 ding. Ek + manlief raak ook soms rof maar om daardie name te gebruik en jou so aan te spreek, NEE, NEE, NEE. Nie eers n prossie sal dit toelaat nie. Kry hom uit jou lewe uit terwyl jy nog kan.

Reply to Poppie
Posted by: Zane | 2009-03-28

Hi there Kelly  being unattached the last 4 yrs I make use of escort services. I' ve setteled on 3 ladies, 1 black, 1 coloured &  a white one. I' ve built up a good relationship with all of them &  they r all different in their own way. However, even though I am paying 4 their services + we often get quite rough, I still treat them with respect. I would NEVER call any of them any derogitary names. We talk dirty get very noisy but they still get treated with respect &  dignity. I treat each 1 like a lady. At the end of an evening or session I politely thank her for her services + she always says I am welcome to visit her again. I think that this guy has got something wrong with him. If U marry him he could well end up raping you from time to time. Yes, rape does take place in some relationships - U should b careful of this guy. I can' t believe he really loves U when he calls U derogitary names like that. Something is VERY wrong.

Reply to Zane
Posted by: Bev | 2009-03-27

Hi there  my fiance + I r also sometimes very rough + boisterous in the bedroom. We both love 2 talk dirty + hold nothing back when it comes to noise. We really make the bed rock + I sometimes wonder what the neighbours in the next door flat think. However I would feel very uncomfortable being called a whore + a slut. We also do a bit of bondage tying one another up + tying hands to the bed but we communicate well + as soon as either of us feels uncomfortable or has had enough then the other one stops.What is the use of any type of sex if 1 partner feels uncomfortable. There must b mutual respect from both sides otherwise something is wrong. I just have the feeling that sometimes your guy is selfish + thinks mainly of his own satisfaction when he should be considering U + your feelings. Don' t let him force U out of your comfort zone against your will, if it does happen then this is not a good sign. Rgards

Reply to Bev
Posted by: Adele | 2009-03-27

Hmmm... There is a definate difference between getting freaky in the bedroon, and being abusive.
How does this make you feel? Being rough is one thing, but why the abusive language and excesive abuse?

I don' t think this is normal... My partner and I are rough on occasion, where we talk very dirty, do a bit of spanking etc... BUT if he had to call me some of the names that he' s called you, or forced me to perform on command, I would hate that!

Don' t ever let him make you feel bad!

Reply to Adele

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