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Posted by: what now??? | 2008/08/04

Being married for 25 years

Hi CS-hope u are keeping well. My hushand and I will be married for 25yrs this year. Ouite an achievement I think. My kids adore their father, especially my daughter. He is a wonderful man, and is the most wonderful, faithfull, sincere friend anybody can have.
This is the problem. I love him, but as a friend. We are so different.
How do I handle this, it would be a massive blow to my two kids (21 and 25 both still single and both still studying, both doing very stressfull courses at varsity, one honours one masters) The kids know we have had ups and downs , but believe we will be together " unto death do us part"  thing. I dont want to hurt any of them. I am getting very frustrated though as we both work hard to pay for the studies for our kids , we work hard but dont play hard, as we are so tiried and in such a predictable routine it is scary. I am the more adventurous and hubby the more careful predictable type. When i do get the chance my son and i do extreme sports, but it is not so often.
Our work is of the type that is 24/7 365 days a year.
WHAT NOW???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

COngratulations. Considering how many ribbons and medals are dished out for sports, I think lasting marriages deserve a national medal as well.
Now, what's not clear from your message, is what has changed. Presumably you have always been "different", but recently this has become irksome rather than interesting. Maybe it's yopur toleration of the diffferences that has altered. You seem to be troubled by predictability and routine, and a lack of play, something which often arises from the circumstances of a long marriage and the responsibilities for family and work. Wouldn't marriage counselling be a good idea, and a wide investment of time ? If the work has been 24/7 365 days a year, what time have either of you left for playfulness and variation ?

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