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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/10/29

Being better than someone

Hi
I know this is probably a dumb question - but what do people actually mean when they say:

You think you are better than everyone....

A senior member of staff has told me this to my face, and I truly do not know what she means. I go to work to do a job, I help out where I can, work long hours, and play an active role in projects - however this is what I am paid to do.
I do not socialise outside of work because it is something I am strongly against, my priority is my child and therefore I dont believe in doing anything outside of work that does not include him. I know that I do not think that I am better than anyone else, and have always believed that I am pretty non judgmental. I do know that I am antisocial - but that is because that is the type of person I am, which also means I avoid confrontations. I am also quite reserved so tend to be able to " switch off: when I work so sometimes someone might have to call me twice.: I am very worried now that someone saying this pretty much means start looking for another job, or am I over reacting.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I actually don't know. I'm pretty darn good, but IO don't think anyone has ever been so VAGUELY complimentary to me, including myself. NOBODY is "better than everyone" - I'm sure you're not awfully good at rugby, Polynesian cooking, and speaking Mandarin.
A more specific compliment would be more useful.
Mind you, if, as you describe, you actually Do Your Job, that'd put you ahead of many others in any company !
I suspect you may be UNsocial ( not keen on socializing ) rather than ANTIsocial, or you'd be too busy robbing banks and smashing windows to get much rest.
What may have happened is that the person who spoke to you, lacking perceptivenes and sense, misinterpreted your excellent qualities as being aloof, snooty and thinking you're superior - assuming, falsely, that because you don't hang out at the pub, rather than having too much sense and having better things to do, they think you're a snob who feels too good to spend time socializing outside of work.
People who are actually not very good at their work ( or can't be bothered to do it well ) tend to resent someone who just quietly does things well, afraid that this could show up their own short-comings.
Dont get discouraged or compromise your principles. Do, however, recognize that a modest amount of schmoozing and friendliness may be really useful in terms of office politics, and enhancing your career opportunities.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: older and wiser | 2012/10/30

You know what, in the long run you will look back and realise that you were, and are, better than the rest of them! You go girl!

Reply to older and wiser
Posted by: Liza | 2012/10/30

Unfortunately your reserve can be misinterpreted as being snooty. The fact that you have no social interaction with your colleagues is also contributing to make matters worse.

What the senior member of staff probably means, is that other colleagues feel uncomfortable around you because they don''t know you as a person. A certain amount of social interaction is actually beneficial to morale and productivity in the workplace.

Even though I''m also on the extreme anti-social side, I still attend things like year-end and team-building functions as well as the occasional dinner with the clients. I''m usually the first one to leave, but at least I attend. And since our whole team and the clients really know each other well, it actively helps to prevent misunderstandings and makes communication a LOT easier.

I''m not saying you need to become best buddies with your colleagues, but at least give them a chance to get to know you.

Good Luck,
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Ricky | 2012/10/30

No, you don''t think you are better than anyone else - you are there to do a job and you do it! I am also " antisocial"  at work - I am not here to make friends, I get paid to do a job and do it to the best of my ability. I am often accused of being unfriendly, aloof etc., but I really don''t care! My work ethic is different to some of my colleagues and it it gets me " branded"  as being a goody-goody, then so be it! I am not lazy and do not socialise during working hours and oftentimes I am ignored and left out of socials because of this, but I refuse to change who and what I am to please others! Don''t take any notice of what people say to you or about you and don''t leave your job because of it - you may be a bit sensitive, but just ignore the comments. Don''t leave your job because of what people think of you! To hell with what they think anyway!

Reply to Ricky
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/10/30

I am the same. And I don''t care what they say about me. The boss often tries to engage me in trivial discussions or asks about how my child is etc but I don''t like to talk about stuff that is not work related.

I can quite easily do a job where I never see anyone. In today''s world of IT we should be able to.

He will send me an email and then also print it and bring it to me so he has something to do and to say irritates me endlessly.

When we have a braai upstairs I pretend to have alot of work. I have no interest in standing around there.

I am known as a clock watcher too but who cares. I love my home and my life outside work. I work to earn the money to look after my family etc I am NOT here to make friends.

Reply to 40''ish
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/30

I actually don't know. I'm pretty darn good, but IO don't think anyone has ever been so VAGUELY complimentary to me, including myself. NOBODY is "better than everyone" - I'm sure you're not awfully good at rugby, Polynesian cooking, and speaking Mandarin.
A more specific compliment would be more useful.
Mind you, if, as you describe, you actually Do Your Job, that'd put you ahead of many others in any company !
I suspect you may be UNsocial ( not keen on socializing ) rather than ANTIsocial, or you'd be too busy robbing banks and smashing windows to get much rest.
What may have happened is that the person who spoke to you, lacking perceptivenes and sense, misinterpreted your excellent qualities as being aloof, snooty and thinking you're superior - assuming, falsely, that because you don't hang out at the pub, rather than having too much sense and having better things to do, they think you're a snob who feels too good to spend time socializing outside of work.
People who are actually not very good at their work ( or can't be bothered to do it well ) tend to resent someone who just quietly does things well, afraid that this could show up their own short-comings.
Dont get discouraged or compromise your principles. Do, however, recognize that a modest amount of schmoozing and friendliness may be really useful in terms of office politics, and enhancing your career opportunities.

Reply to cybershrink

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