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Question
Posted by: Cindy | 2010/07/02

BEATEN BUT DOESNT CRY......

Yesterday my 5 and a half year old son was naughty and I was angry and I hit him hard with a belt but he didnt cry, or cried a little bit , this made me so angry i repeatedly hit him. Is it normal for that age not to cry when hit or was i overboard or does he need help? I felt bad afterwards....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Not crying is one way some kids respond - its a dangerous way when the person beating them insists on them crying, and thus huts them more. Seriously, it may be that you are more in need of help than he is, as it is not healthy to so want to hit a child, and want to make them cry. Its also a useless way to make them behave well.
Anon is misreading the bible, too - this isn'y an effective or legal or justifiable way to buig any boom. Where does the bible say children should be beaten ?
Chame quotes the effective ways to achieve far better results. There are various reasons why a child may no cry, such as self-pride, and a desire not to show you that you have hurt or scared them. Respect that. Maybe, as said, if the child does not expect comforting or for the beating to stop when they cry, they may not see a point in crying.
As you were beaten as a child, maybe you learend that this was how a good parents was Supposed to behave. Misleading, but perhaps convincing at that age.
There's a significant difference between a mild smack and repeatedly hiting a child with an object like a belt, till they weep.





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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010/07/03

Cindy, I''m not in the anti-smack brigade. I believe that sometimes it is the most effective way of disciplining a child. However if you smack in anger, especially using anything other than your hand, then it easily changes from discipline to abuse. Apart from that, smacking is not appropriate for all circumstances and all kids. Other ways of disciplining works better for some kids. I suggest you read some of Kevin Leman''s books (Making kids mind without using yours etc.) for alternative strategies.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/03

Not crying is one way some kids respond - its a dangerous way when the person beating them insists on them crying, and thus huts them more. Seriously, it may be that you are more in need of help than he is, as it is not healthy to so want to hit a child, and want to make them cry. Its also a useless way to make them behave well.
Anon is misreading the bible, too - this isn'y an effective or legal or justifiable way to buig any boom. Where does the bible say children should be beaten ?
Chame quotes the effective ways to achieve far better results. There are various reasons why a child may no cry, such as self-pride, and a desire not to show you that you have hurt or scared them. Respect that. Maybe, as said, if the child does not expect comforting or for the beating to stop when they cry, they may not see a point in crying.
As you were beaten as a child, maybe you learend that this was how a good parents was Supposed to behave. Misleading, but perhaps convincing at that age.
There's a significant difference between a mild smack and repeatedly hiting a child with an object like a belt, till they weep.





Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: To Well | 2010/07/02

Hey, Well - would you not agree that there is a huge difference between a hand smack and a belt?

Reply to To Well
Posted by: Anon | 2010/07/02

Maybe if you hit him really hard with a sjambok instead he will cry. Sicko!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Well | 2010/07/02

Cindy dont let anyone tell u how to raise your child..Some of us got some smack when we were young and i dont remember that being called abuse. Like me said there, all these kids who get away with everything and dont get displine are a joke today..

I have a 3half daughter and i do smack her once in a while when she doesnt want to listen, and iam waiting for that someone who will come and tell me that im abusing my child.

As for him not crying that is not a good sign maybe u should discuss it with him when things are calm..

Reply to Well
Posted by: Yowzer | 2010/07/02

Wowee!!!! Now I can see why child abusers get raped in prison - they seem to set off something in people.!!

Reply to Yowzer
Posted by: Anon | 2010/07/02

Yeah - well said!!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: JK | 2010/07/02

Well said " on behalf of others" !!

Reply to JK
Posted by: On behalf of others | 2010/07/02

Quite frankly Cindy - if you can''t get emotional about this yourself (as we do) then you are suffering from a similar pathology to your child. The abuse you speak of is heinous and whilst you may blame it on your own upbringing, this is no excuse. You can make a different decision and stop the pattern . You are the adult and you have to take responsibility by getting help now before it is too late!

Reply to On behalf of others
Posted by: Skye | 2010/07/02

to Anon.
Hitting a child with a belt is child abuse.

Reply to Skye
Posted by: Anon | 2010/07/02

Well I would guess there would be some form of insecure/avoidant attachment here. If a child learns that his tears will not receive any response/attunement, then why cry? Very sad situation.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Me | 2010/07/02

Children do need a smack when naughty, all this crap about not giving kids a smack when naughty is exactly why the youth of today and many adults are so undisciplined, but there are boundries, taking a belt to a child even if in their teens is over stepping the boundries, a smack must be felt but not painful. My son is 12 and hasn''t needed a smack for the past 4 years, because he now knows what''s right and wrong, but when he needed a smack he got one, there is a difference despite what some might say between a smack and a beating. Not one those in my circle of friends who have never believed in smacking their children have disciplined kids, is that a coincidence, I don''t think so. A smack is a smack, a beating and abuse is something different

Reply to Me
Posted by: Cindy | 2010/07/02

My Fellow Forum mates! Lets not get so emotional about this, I only needed help from you, dont expect you to be throwing harsh words at each other. Anon could be right, i grew up as a young girl who was constantly hit by her father even for petty things, maybe thats why I''m doing all these things but its not justified.
If I need help where do I start or does my child have psychological problems by not crying when beaten,,,thats all I need from you, lets not bring political issues on the matter.

Reply to Cindy
Posted by: Leave god out of it. | 2010/07/02

I am so tired of people quoting religion in order to support their inadequacies.

Reply to Leave god out of it.
Posted by: Sis | 2010/07/02

You felt bad afterwards....and so you should you brain dead child abuser!

Reply to Sis
Posted by: and so.... | 2010/07/02

Zuma probably beats his wives and Malema wants to shoot Boers.

Reply to and so....
Posted by: Anon | 2010/07/02

There is good psychological research that has gone into childhood development and the damage caused by corporal punishment. Aggression begets aggression and if not that then low self esteem and addiction. Wonderful legacy for our country.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Shame | 2010/07/02

The only time I''ve hit my child is in an emergency where his actions endanger himself. Time out and removal of privileges works perfectly for him and he is a well behaved child who is a pleasure to have around . In addition he has positive self esteem, self control and is sensitive to others. I don''t think he will contribute to the downfall of our country buy sub-intellects like Skye may well.

Reply to Shame
Posted by: S | 2010/07/02

There is no right manner you idiot.

Reply to S
Posted by: anon | 2010/07/02

Hi Cindy.
Not sure bout his behavouir.

if you do hit your son, do it in the rigt manner, and explain to him why you doig it.

To Skye and Shame on you_ no wonder our country is in such a mess, cause we dont spank our kids anymore. Suppose you guys are raising monster, which adds to the downfall of the county, Even he Bible declares_ Buig die boom terwyl hy nog jonk is.

CIndy, do so, but in the right manner

Reply to anon
Posted by: Skye | 2010/07/02

You should be locked away and your child taken away from you. Stop beating him! It''s child abuse.

Reply to Skye
Posted by: Shame on you | 2010/07/02

You need help!! Stop hitting him!

Reply to Shame on you

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