Our expert says:
YOu are allowing your way of reacting to the ugly experience of abuse ( and its by far not the only and inevitable way of reacting ) to dominate and spoil your life. You are not being yourself, if one must use that unhelpful term - you seem to be persistently seeing yourself as spoiled and almost as though by insisting on being unattractive you may be able to protect yourself against further unwanted attentions.
DO, PLEASE, arrange to see a good local psychologist for serious counselling, especially of the CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) mode, which will help you to examine, test, and revise the unhelpful and unpleasant assumptions and habits of thought and behaviour with which you have been restricting yourself, and become the happier and more confident person you certainly can be.
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