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Question
Posted by: NR | 2012/04/05

Be yourself?

I am a 31 yr old female who was sexually abused for many years since I was 9 years old, I have since put up walls and not let anyone know about my shame, I was always the outsider at school and univercity. I have no close friends, no confidants no one I have even shut my family out for various reasons, I am fat and ashamed of my body I dont like the way I speak, dress or even eat, I dont really like anything about myself, I am afraid to learn new skills at work even.... So when I hear be yourself, I think how can I be myself? Myself is abused, no friends, pretentious (I have to be because I dont know how to be honest and genuine and pure), fat, ugly the list goes on.......

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu are allowing your way of reacting to the ugly experience of abuse ( and its by far not the only and inevitable way of reacting ) to dominate and spoil your life. You are not being yourself, if one must use that unhelpful term - you seem to be persistently seeing yourself as spoiled and almost as though by insisting on being unattractive you may be able to protect yourself against further unwanted attentions.
DO, PLEASE, arrange to see a good local psychologist for serious counselling, especially of the CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) mode, which will help you to examine, test, and revise the unhelpful and unpleasant assumptions and habits of thought and behaviour with which you have been restricting yourself, and become the happier and more confident person you certainly can be.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/04/06

YOu are allowing your way of reacting to the ugly experience of abuse ( and its by far not the only and inevitable way of reacting ) to dominate and spoil your life. You are not being yourself, if one must use that unhelpful term - you seem to be persistently seeing yourself as spoiled and almost as though by insisting on being unattractive you may be able to protect yourself against further unwanted attentions.
DO, PLEASE, arrange to see a good local psychologist for serious counselling, especially of the CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) mode, which will help you to examine, test, and revise the unhelpful and unpleasant assumptions and habits of thought and behaviour with which you have been restricting yourself, and become the happier and more confident person you certainly can be.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Anon | 2012/04/05

I find many people have the same problem, not because of any abuse that is just the way they are and If I may share what I have learnt, is that the key to true happiness is to accept and embrace who you are, do things for yourself and live your life, like you are the only one who is watching, if you are able to, go for a walk every day , it might not help you lose weight, but it will make you feel more at one with yourself, and try and take off the heavy clock of shame you are carrying, be proud that you overcame what you went through, many people never do, and we all carry our scars in different ways.
Try and be strong, and become your own best friend, you deserve it, and if you can spoil yourself with something nice every now and again ,because when you start loving yourself and people will see you shine, and keep saying to yourself...In Spite if this ......I did this and In Spite of that I will do this.

Just my thoughts-Have a lovely day

Reply to Anon

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