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Question
Posted by: Marc | 2010/06/04

BDSM problem

I have been married for a couple of years now. My wife has recently expressed her a desire to explore BDSM and to be physically and mentally dominated.

This is placing a huge strain on our marriage as I have many moral and religious problems with this. The idea of my wife being tied up and whipped and played with by another man kills me inside.

She is my wife and things of a sexual nature should be between us. My wife knows that I am not keen on her pursuing this, but she can''''t deny the strong pull it has on her. I have tried to the extent I am happy with to explore this with her in the bedroom but it is apparent that this is not enough for her. I am not sure what to do, advice welcome. Should I allow her to explore this on her own, should I outright refuse her from doing this, what are the religious beliefs around BDSM?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

it is best to explore your feelings with a couples therapist. through therapy both of you can communicate your desires, needs and wants and TOGETHER decide what the best option / compromise is.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Oldster | 2010/06/05

Sympathies with you. The thought of what you describe what your wife wants to do is something I too would not be able to tolerate either. I wonder if its something she has had in the back of her mind for a long time and its only manifested itself now ? I think I would be inclined to see if she would visit a shrink with you to see how you should handle this. It something that needs professional treatment, provided of c ourse that she is willing to accompany you. Good luck

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: sexologist | 2010/06/05

it is best to explore your feelings with a couples therapist. through therapy both of you can communicate your desires, needs and wants and TOGETHER decide what the best option / compromise is.

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: Anon#3 | 2010/06/04

Anything legal and consenting between wife and husband is acceptable - introducing third etc parties to the marriage bed is adultery.

If your wife feels so strongly about this, she won''t object to a couple of sessions with a sexologist or psychologist to explore her need for this - it would also help you to figure out how to proceed.

Reply to Anon#3

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