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Question
Posted by: primrose | 2010/11/08

battling to leave the comfort zone behind

Hi, I spent a a lot of time with a psychologist and years on self-help, getting myself not to put others ahead of myself all the time and eventually, admittedly only when my emotionally abusive husband passed away, to grow into a deeper stronger person . I started to spend money and time on myself for myself, occasionally. I started to make arrangements for spending my time the way I wanted to. I started to consider things I''d always wanted to do. I moved house. But I seem to have become a bit stuck, not quite afraid to do all I always wanted to do but anxious, wanting to stop spending, go back to the old town where I lived before, abandon brand-new hobbies, withdraw the feelers I have put out to become a useful and good community member. I know that if I put on the brakes now I can no longer blame my wasted life on my husband- it will all be my fault. But I feel so exposed, raw, vulnerable, uncertain. Is this just fear of leaving my comfort zone? If so, how do I move forward? I have this conflict between either going forward and living the life I think I would like, or just stagnating and letting myself be pushed around by other people, going with the flow of those around me, until I die of old age, which will be the easier course, though not necessarily happy and not really fulfilling. What if I have made the wrong choices and actually don''t know what I want?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sometimes, even though abusive others may cramp our style and prvent us from living the way we think we would want to, there's a crumb of comfort in their certainty and our lack of potential responsibility - yes, we are prevented from succeding as we'd like to, but also we might be prevented from failing.
And when we become more independent, fear of failure may loom large, and discomfort or uneasiness with freedom. A dog who has spent 20 years on a leash, usually doesn't enjoy his freedom when eventually let loose, and may feel scared and uneasy walking on his own.
Even though you're leaving your DIScomfort zone, its unfamiliar terriroty. But if you remain brave and venturesome, you will grow to enjoy your freedom, even including the freedom to make occasional mistakes. Making some wrong choices amongst all the right ones is your basic human right and duty ! There's nothing wrong with making some errors, so long as we learn from them.
MY New Year's wish each year is "Please let me make NEW mistakes" - repeating the old ones is not fruitful, but bein so avoidat of making mistakes that one dares to do nothing, is the biggest mistake of them all.
Continue on the brave path you have begun. Maybe look for support groups or others with similar interests on the way, so as not to feel lonely or too strange.
And this way you'll avoid the sad ending too many people have, of sitting thinking of all the things you MIGHT have done yet never tried.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/11/09

You sound like you are more worried about making the wrong decisions with your life and having to deal with the consequensies. Relax. Lets say you do make the wrong choices, isn''t that part of being alive? I think by trying to live a perfect life you''ll be robbing yourself of the most fun part of being alive, learning from your mistakes.

I''ve discovered that if I don''t plan what I''ll do on my holiday I enjoy it more than when I''ve planned it to detail. Because there are no disappointments when there are no specific plans to be followed.

My advice, ask yourself that if you were to die today what would you regret not doing. Then do just that.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/09

Sometimes, even though abusive others may cramp our style and prvent us from living the way we think we would want to, there's a crumb of comfort in their certainty and our lack of potential responsibility - yes, we are prevented from succeding as we'd like to, but also we might be prevented from failing.
And when we become more independent, fear of failure may loom large, and discomfort or uneasiness with freedom. A dog who has spent 20 years on a leash, usually doesn't enjoy his freedom when eventually let loose, and may feel scared and uneasy walking on his own.
Even though you're leaving your DIScomfort zone, its unfamiliar terriroty. But if you remain brave and venturesome, you will grow to enjoy your freedom, even including the freedom to make occasional mistakes. Making some wrong choices amongst all the right ones is your basic human right and duty ! There's nothing wrong with making some errors, so long as we learn from them.
MY New Year's wish each year is "Please let me make NEW mistakes" - repeating the old ones is not fruitful, but bein so avoidat of making mistakes that one dares to do nothing, is the biggest mistake of them all.
Continue on the brave path you have begun. Maybe look for support groups or others with similar interests on the way, so as not to feel lonely or too strange.
And this way you'll avoid the sad ending too many people have, of sitting thinking of all the things you MIGHT have done yet never tried.

Reply to cybershrink

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