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Question
Posted by: Linda | 2010-05-18

Bathing issue, please very urgent, daughter 10!

My daughter is 10 years of age. I have been divorced from her dad for 8 years now. 2 years ago i found out that he baths/showers with her, please note that there is NO funny stuff going on BUT after a huge fight and getting legal advice, my ex-husband agreed to stop this type of interaction. He signed a letter that i had drawn up (we never took it futher). I was under the impression that this had stopped but i just found out recently that he is still bathing/showering with her and his young son from current marriage. i have threatened him now with court! i am devastated as my daughter understood the last time when i explained to her that this is inappropriate and that she is growing up and is to bath on her own! Now he has carried on doing so and telling her not to tell me! his argument is that this is their " quality"  time and that he doesnt want her to be ashamed of her body! i totally disagree, i find this unhealthy and just down right disrepectful. do i have a leg to stand on here? what if i approach the courts with this? i dont want this to become a sexual abuse case as its NOT but will they interogate my daughter?? i dont want her getting hurt and i certainly dont want her thinking she has done something wrong? Myself and her dad do not have a good relationship, he chooses to ignore my requests at every turn. I dont care if other people engage in this type of behaviour, i find it unacceptable. she is not a baby anymore. please please help! where do i go from here? can i take him to court and how will they view this? do i have a right as a mother to take this further and to convince them that i have my concerns. ???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageFamily law expert

I suggest that you make an appointment with the Family Advocate in your region to intervene and disuss the issue. I note that you do not have a good relationship with your ex, but, this need to be set aside now in the interest of your child. It is not your or his emotions that are in issue here BUT the interests of the child. Therefore I suggest that you make an appointment with the father and inform him in no uncertain terms that you will refer the matter to the Family Advocate in order to privately bring an end to the issue. The addresses of the FA is below:


OFFICE OF THE FAMILY ADVOCATE - CONTACT DETAILS
REGION OFFICE DETAILS
National Office Chief Family Advocate -
National Office
Chief Family Adv: Adv Petunia Seabi
Contact: Ms Z Mpongwana (Secretary to the Chief Family Advocate)
Tel: 012-357 8022
Fax: 012-357 8043
E-mail: NationalOffice-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X81 PRETORIA 0001
Physical Address: 329 Pretoruis Street, Momentum Building, West Tower, Pretoria

FS Bloemfontein
Contact: Adv. L.M. Sangqu (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 051-447 1115
Fax: 051-430 5052
E-mail: Bloemfontein-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: P. O. Box 12457, Brandhof, 9324
Physical Address: 163 A Nelson Mandela Drive, 2nd Floor Sanlam Building, Bloemfontein
WC Cape Town
Contact: Adv. S. Ebrahim (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 021-426 1216
Fax: 021-426 1215
E-mail: CapeTown-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 9003 , Cape Town , 8000
Physical Address: 55 Union Castle Building, 10th Floor, St George’s Mall, Cape Town
KZN Durban
Contact: Advocate N.N. Khumalo (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 031-310 6500
Fax: 031-305 4130
E-mail: Durban-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag x 54353, Durban, 4000
Physical Address: 143 Margaret Mncadi Ave, 15th Floor Maritime House, Durban
KZN Durban
Provincial Office
Contact: Adv M. C. O'Gorman( Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 031-310 6500
Fax: 0865 076 411
E-mail: Mogorman@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private bag X54353, Durban, 4000
Physical Address: 143 Margaret Mncadi Ave, 15th Floor Maritime House, Durban
EC East London
Contact: Adv K Gounden (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 043- 722 8866/7
Fax: 043- 722 8868
E-mail: EastLondon-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: n/a
Physical Address: 29 St Peters Road , Southernwood, East London, 5200
WC George
Contact: Adv W Calitz (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 044-802 4200
Fax: 044-802 4202
E-mail: George-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X6586, George, 6530
Physical Address: Cnr Cathedral & Cradock Street, Eskom Building, West Wing Ground
GP Johannesburg
Contact: Adv. N. Thokoane (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 011-333 3724
Fax: 011-337 8189
E-mail: Johannesburg-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 7, Johannesburg, 2000
Physical Address: 94 Pritchard Street, 13th Floor, Schreiner Chambers, Johannesburg
NC Kimberley
Contact: Adv. M.M. Mafojane (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 053-833 1019 / 63
Fax: 053-833 1062 / 69
E-mail: Kimberly-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 6071 , Kimberley , 8300
Physical Address: Umzimkhulu House, c/o Russel and Elliot Street, Kimberley , 8301
NW Mafikeng
Contact: Adv. B.Makganyoha (Principle Family Advocate)
Tel: 018- 388 9500
Fax: 018- 394 0915
E-mail: Mafikeng-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag x2232 Mafikeng South 2791
Physical Address: 461/805 Steve Biko Drive, Unit 2, Mmabatho, 2735
(Black and White building not far from Department of Social Development)
EC Mthatha
Contact: Adv X Mji (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 047-532 6054
Fax: 047-532 5337
E-mail: Mthatha-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X5255 Mthatha 5099
Physical Address: 6th Floor, Manpower Building, Corner of Elliot and Madeira Street, Mthatha
MP Nelspruit
Contact: Adv. M.E. Khesa (Acting Principal Family Advocate for Mpumalanga)
Tel: 013 - 752 2755
Fax: 013 - 752 3657 / 086 507 2113
E-mail: Nelspruit-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 11217, Nelspruit, 1200
Physical Address: No 3 Marloth Street, Nelspruit
KZN Newcastle
Contact: Adv M. Mbambo (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 034-326 4923
Fax: 034-326 4932
E-mail: Newcastle-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 6610, Newcastle, 2940
Physical Address: 43 Harding Street , Newcastle, 2940
KZN Pietermaritzburg
Contact: Advocate R. Govender (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 033-342 0616
Fax: 033-345 0587
E-mail: Pietermaritzburg-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 9134, Pietermaritzburg, 3200
Physical Address: 239 Church Street , Pietermaritzburg, 3200
LP Polokwane
Contact: Adv. M.E. Khesa (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 015-291 1599
Fax: 015-291 1190
E-mail: Polokwane-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 9320, Polokwane, 0700
Physical Address: 35A Landros Mare Street, Polokwane
EC Port Elizabeth
Contact: Adv L. Roux (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 041-585 5718
Fax: 041-585 4459
E-mail: PortElizabeth-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 6080 , Port Elizabeth, 6000
Physical Address: No. 1 Bird Street, Central, Port Elizabeth
EC Port Elizabeth - Provincial Office
Contact: Adv R Claassen (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 041- 5855 - 718
Fax: 0866 830 428
E-mail: rclaassen@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 6080 , Port Elizabeth, 6000
Physical Address: No 1 Bird Street, Central, Port Elizabeth
GP Pretoria
Contact: Adv C. Maree (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 012-323-0760
Fax: 012-326-4633
E-mail: Pretoria-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 8, Pretoria, 0001
Physical Address: 266 Pretorius & Andries Street, Die Meent Building, Pretoria
NEW as from 24 Aug: 4th Floor, Die Meent Building, c/o Andries & Pretorius Streets
WC Worcester
Contact: Adv N Sibeko (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 023-347 1238
Fax: 023-347 1524
E-mail: Worcester-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X3111, Worcester, 6849
Physical Address: 67 High Street, Worcester, 6850

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Our users say:
Posted by: family law expert | 2010-05-22

I suggest that you make an appointment with the Family Advocate in your region to intervene and disuss the issue. I note that you do not have a good relationship with your ex, but, this need to be set aside now in the interest of your child. It is not your or his emotions that are in issue here BUT the interests of the child. Therefore I suggest that you make an appointment with the father and inform him in no uncertain terms that you will refer the matter to the Family Advocate in order to privately bring an end to the issue. The addresses of the FA is below:


OFFICE OF THE FAMILY ADVOCATE - CONTACT DETAILS
REGION OFFICE DETAILS
National Office Chief Family Advocate -
National Office
Chief Family Adv: Adv Petunia Seabi
Contact: Ms Z Mpongwana (Secretary to the Chief Family Advocate)
Tel: 012-357 8022
Fax: 012-357 8043
E-mail: NationalOffice-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X81 PRETORIA 0001
Physical Address: 329 Pretoruis Street, Momentum Building, West Tower, Pretoria

FS Bloemfontein
Contact: Adv. L.M. Sangqu (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 051-447 1115
Fax: 051-430 5052
E-mail: Bloemfontein-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: P. O. Box 12457, Brandhof, 9324
Physical Address: 163 A Nelson Mandela Drive, 2nd Floor Sanlam Building, Bloemfontein
WC Cape Town
Contact: Adv. S. Ebrahim (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 021-426 1216
Fax: 021-426 1215
E-mail: CapeTown-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 9003 , Cape Town , 8000
Physical Address: 55 Union Castle Building, 10th Floor, St George’s Mall, Cape Town
KZN Durban
Contact: Advocate N.N. Khumalo (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 031-310 6500
Fax: 031-305 4130
E-mail: Durban-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag x 54353, Durban, 4000
Physical Address: 143 Margaret Mncadi Ave, 15th Floor Maritime House, Durban
KZN Durban
Provincial Office
Contact: Adv M. C. O'Gorman( Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 031-310 6500
Fax: 0865 076 411
E-mail: Mogorman@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private bag X54353, Durban, 4000
Physical Address: 143 Margaret Mncadi Ave, 15th Floor Maritime House, Durban
EC East London
Contact: Adv K Gounden (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 043- 722 8866/7
Fax: 043- 722 8868
E-mail: EastLondon-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: n/a
Physical Address: 29 St Peters Road , Southernwood, East London, 5200
WC George
Contact: Adv W Calitz (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 044-802 4200
Fax: 044-802 4202
E-mail: George-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X6586, George, 6530
Physical Address: Cnr Cathedral & Cradock Street, Eskom Building, West Wing Ground
GP Johannesburg
Contact: Adv. N. Thokoane (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 011-333 3724
Fax: 011-337 8189
E-mail: Johannesburg-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 7, Johannesburg, 2000
Physical Address: 94 Pritchard Street, 13th Floor, Schreiner Chambers, Johannesburg
NC Kimberley
Contact: Adv. M.M. Mafojane (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 053-833 1019 / 63
Fax: 053-833 1062 / 69
E-mail: Kimberly-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 6071 , Kimberley , 8300
Physical Address: Umzimkhulu House, c/o Russel and Elliot Street, Kimberley , 8301
NW Mafikeng
Contact: Adv. B.Makganyoha (Principle Family Advocate)
Tel: 018- 388 9500
Fax: 018- 394 0915
E-mail: Mafikeng-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag x2232 Mafikeng South 2791
Physical Address: 461/805 Steve Biko Drive, Unit 2, Mmabatho, 2735
(Black and White building not far from Department of Social Development)
EC Mthatha
Contact: Adv X Mji (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 047-532 6054
Fax: 047-532 5337
E-mail: Mthatha-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X5255 Mthatha 5099
Physical Address: 6th Floor, Manpower Building, Corner of Elliot and Madeira Street, Mthatha
MP Nelspruit
Contact: Adv. M.E. Khesa (Acting Principal Family Advocate for Mpumalanga)
Tel: 013 - 752 2755
Fax: 013 - 752 3657 / 086 507 2113
E-mail: Nelspruit-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 11217, Nelspruit, 1200
Physical Address: No 3 Marloth Street, Nelspruit
KZN Newcastle
Contact: Adv M. Mbambo (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 034-326 4923
Fax: 034-326 4932
E-mail: Newcastle-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 6610, Newcastle, 2940
Physical Address: 43 Harding Street , Newcastle, 2940
KZN Pietermaritzburg
Contact: Advocate R. Govender (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 033-342 0616
Fax: 033-345 0587
E-mail: Pietermaritzburg-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 9134, Pietermaritzburg, 3200
Physical Address: 239 Church Street , Pietermaritzburg, 3200
LP Polokwane
Contact: Adv. M.E. Khesa (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 015-291 1599
Fax: 015-291 1190
E-mail: Polokwane-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 9320, Polokwane, 0700
Physical Address: 35A Landros Mare Street, Polokwane
EC Port Elizabeth
Contact: Adv L. Roux (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 041-585 5718
Fax: 041-585 4459
E-mail: PortElizabeth-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 6080 , Port Elizabeth, 6000
Physical Address: No. 1 Bird Street, Central, Port Elizabeth
EC Port Elizabeth - Provincial Office
Contact: Adv R Claassen (Principal Family Advocate)
Tel: 041- 5855 - 718
Fax: 0866 830 428
E-mail: rclaassen@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 6080 , Port Elizabeth, 6000
Physical Address: No 1 Bird Street, Central, Port Elizabeth
GP Pretoria
Contact: Adv C. Maree (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 012-323-0760
Fax: 012-326-4633
E-mail: Pretoria-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X 8, Pretoria, 0001
Physical Address: 266 Pretorius & Andries Street, Die Meent Building, Pretoria
NEW as from 24 Aug: 4th Floor, Die Meent Building, c/o Andries & Pretorius Streets
WC Worcester
Contact: Adv N Sibeko (Senior Family Advocate)
Tel: 023-347 1238
Fax: 023-347 1524
E-mail: Worcester-FA@justice.gov.za
Postal Address: Private Bag X3111, Worcester, 6849
Physical Address: 67 High Street, Worcester, 6850

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Reply to family law expert
Posted by: Anon | 2010-05-19

Hi Linda,
A good start would be the FA who dealt with your initial order. I''d also suggest you maybe get a report from a pshycologist to support your case.At 10yrs girls experience a sense of shy-ness for their bodies - this could have long term effects should it continue.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: G-Dad | 2010-05-19

Linda it depends where you live, you can phone the yellow pages for the number of the FA, they are free and would be a requirement by the courts.

Reply to G-Dad
Posted by: anon | 2010-05-18

Their services are free of charge but normally a long waiting period to get any enquiry but since your matter is really quite serious maybe they will assist urgently.

search them on the internet

Reply to anon
Posted by: Linda | 2010-05-18

How do i get hold of a Family Advocate? what are the costs?? where do i go??? i just want him to stop?
any ideas ??? suggestions??

Reply to Linda
Posted by: anon | 2010-05-18

Hi i am not sure, maybe you could call the child line or family advocate and get urgent advise. This is behaviour is sick and must be stopped asap. It it was me, in the meantime I would go and give him a good and solid hiding.

Reply to anon
Posted by: G-Dad | 2010-05-18

You could go to court, but what proof do you have, you just said that you and the father is not in a good relationship and he could use that in court against you resulting you end up with a cost order against you.

If you have serious concerns then I suggest you contact a psychologist or a social worker to investigate his access, believe me it is general knowledge that mothers cry sexual abuse to prevent fathers access and the courts are aware of that, if you have proof that he harm the child then you can take action, I agree that a father should not be bathing with a 10 year old girl, you never mentioned how old his other child is, and from what you saying both bath with him at the same time.
Well you will have a difficult case in court, I doubt that you will win such a case.

You can also request the family advocate to assist, courts should be you last option.

I know I have been there, my ex was stupid, she never denied all the sexual checkups on my little girl, even though she knew she was in contempt with a court order, if she denied it then I would have never succeeded in getting the courts to force supervised access.
If he denies everything and you do not have a report from a court approved psychologist stating that his action is inappropriate and harmful to the child then you do not have a case.

Reply to G-Dad

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